Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Worst Person on Earth?

I feel like im the worst person on earth...

I have disappointed every single human being that put their hopes on me, cared for me n love me... It really sucks to feel that way... It really felt like they have wasted their time on me for nothing u know..

I have learnt something these days.. What i've learnt is that its not enough to just have unconditional love for someone... what i mean is that even if you truly love someone right form your heart, its still not enough.. especially when u keep on disappointing someone u love... this is because you still have to prove to that someone u love by not disappointing him or her and by showing to them how much u cared....

I seriously know what im saying is kinda confusing.. but i know some of you might get it right??? The best example that i can give is that.. for example, i love my bf very much..love him unconditionally... in fact, now im loving him so much that its really hard to describe how much i love him...(and i dont know why i love him so much also... ;P)But then, i always do things that would hurt his feelings or disappoint him terribly... i can really see it in his eyes wan lor when he is hurt or disappointed in me... i hate it when i disappont him...

i feel like if i continue on like this... doing things without thinking, hurting him or disappointing him unwillingly (u know like u dont see the thing coming one and without u realizing after u do it, it hurts him), i will loose him one day... He knows that i love him alot but then being me, being Jane! would always do things that would piss him off... and you know, being human has its limits... piss the person off too much.. or disappoint that person too much n see... the person will just give up n go away... im just afraid one day he will just loose hope on our relationship n go away... sighh... this disappointment not only applies to him... to my parents, to everyone else that cared for me... i tend to piss people n disappoint people unintentionally...

Sigghh... im really trying my best to not disappoint anyone that cared n love me anymore... but i always seem to do it more n more when i try harder... sighh... im really hopeless.. i really should stop being so hopeless, weak n selfish... it just disgust me each time i think about how much i have let other people down... im serious k... sighh... it really makes me feel useless, stupid n selfish... i really wanna try to change into a better person.. but it just feels soooooooo hhhhhaaaarrrdddddd sometimes.... sighhh...

Im so so sooooooooo sorry to everyone... especially to my parents... im sorry... i never mean it... sighh....

2 comments:

Michelle said...

Girl, totally understand what you are going through now, it's like the end of the world when you are not ready to die yet. But I just want to encourage you that, it's not the end yet. In God, there's always hope, through Him, you can find strength to move on. Everything happen for a reason, He has his plan for you. Take this failure as part of His plan to mould you into a greater warrior in life and one day you will soar like an eagle above the storm. If you don't want to disappoint all those who love you, you must not give up on yourself first! Believe and you will succeed, work hard and you will receive, focus and you will live to the fullest. Take the 1st failure as a try out, the 2nd as a stepping stone to victory. You will always be in prayer. Love you, Hugs....

Michael Song said...

my dear.... u did nothing wrong... do not feel too negative about it... there tends to b ups & downs in a r'ship. if there is always ups & no downs, how can u judge tat u having a healthy r'ship? u can do it if u think u can!!! u had been doing a gr8 job by throwing ur feelings here! i hope things got better!