Saturday, November 24, 2007

Sighh...

Like i said before... I have the world's best bf... bf of the year...

When his mum needs him, he's always there to comfort her...
When his friends needs him, he's always there for them...
When his friends has break up problems, he's always there to confort them..
He said he has work stress, i try not to disturb him or call him that often or always try to be nice, be understanding or act cute to cheer him up...
He said he's stress with family stuff, he needs to go out n relax, I totally understand that cause when i have stresses that is caused by my parents, i seriously need to go out n release some stress...
He'll go up north, south, east or west to whoever that needs his comfort... I sulk it all up n lets him be.. cause i know he is always more relax n happier when he is with his group of friends...

Whenever i go to KL to see him, he still has to comfort whoever friends that needs him... always have to comfort n always be the "friend in need is a friend indeed".... Yet i still accompany him do all that even though i know i got so little time spent with him only... I MEAN 2 of us only... but most of the time, we spend our time with either his friends or his family...

He dont really like my group of friends, fine... i adapt myself to like his friends which his friends r really total nice cool friends... at least i try to adapt with his friends....

BUT...

Where is he when im lonely...?

Where is he when i really needed him?

Where is he when i miss him so much?

Where is he when im crying at night missing him?

Where is he when i need him the most?

Where is he when i ask him to at least try to come back at least abit ealier so that we can skype since i cannot see him physically n miss so damn much since we are freaking apart?

Where is he when i ask him to at least try to come to pg n see me just for once in a while..?

Did he try to adapt with my friends?

How many times have i purposely travelled to kl alone taking 5 hours freaking bus and thats 10 hours including return just to see him cause i miss him and wants to see him badly?

How many times has he travelled to pg alone just because he miss me n wants to see me?

He is always with friends... His friends are always more important than me...

Which i can totally understand why.. cause he knows them way longer than me... He will not in anyway sacrifice his friends for me... Which i had sacrifice my friends for him until my friend said "Dont always bf here n there now, when suddenly no bf, come back to us pulak".. Which wat my friend said is true... so true.... But then of course, i will never expect him to sacrifice his friends for me cause i knows it will be very selfish of me to ask him to do that... i know friends r always more important than girlfriends or boyfriends... cause girlfriends n boyfriends can be replaced...

All he knows is to always say sorry n keep on apologizing when he always breaks his promises... Breaks the same promises over n over again... Which i forgave him over n over again... Why? Cause i love him... cause i understand that he is now leading a stressful life which i have to be more understanding as a gf... Where else, maybe he doesnt know that i have my own stresses n problems as well? Maybe to him my kinda of stress is not as stressful as his? Maybe he doesnt know i can handle stress n keep my sad feelings away when im in front of him...?

I know he loves me... I know he really loves me... but to me, maybe he just doesnt seem to know how to prioritize his things? or Maybe to him, he thinks he has prioritize it well? I dont know... He is always so sweet, lovey dovey when im with him... he gives me all i want when we r together... How can he not love me like that? Trust me, he does the sweetest things that no one can ever imagine... I know he does love me... but its just that when we r apart like this, i feel the most miserable, i feel the most left out person in his life when we r apart...

Like now, since he is so stress with everything...

Whenever i need to call him, i have to think twice...

Whenever i wanna ask him to stay longer n chat with me, i have to think twice..

Whenever he is out with his friends to de-stress, i dare not call him...

Whenever he is with his parents, i dare not call him cause he might be in some talk...

Whenever he is working, i will have to think twice...

I dare not start to pick a fight these days cause i know he is very stressful... and all his friends his breaking up n i dont want to end up like them...

All because of his stress... his STRESSFUL LIFE!

All i do is think of him... try to be more understanding... yeah yeah.. maybe to him im not understanding enough... but HEY! IM ALREADY TRYING BLARDY HARD CONSIDERING MY BLARDY ATTITUDE!!!

Well, i guess i dont have a stress that he should care... cause yeah, his stress level his way up higher than mine... but its true, his stress level is really high!!!

When i told him about my stress n problems... all i get is.. yeah yeah... urrmm... ok... cause its true, maybe my stress is not as close as his!...

Maybe he doesnt know how pressured i am to be in my current job just to make my parents happy when i am so damn not! Maybe he thinks im just saying it....

Oh, i dont have family problems... my family problems aint as big as his... cause i have been having the same family prob for as long as i could remember, is just that i know how to handle it and chuck it away when its not necessary to think about it...

Oh, i dont have study poblems cause i always seem tidak apa to many people... But when i was really studying, have u all actually seen it??? When i was freaking out n shit, have u all seen it? To many people who have "seen" the way i study, they think i deserve to be freaked out like that cause they think i always do things last minute... but when i was serious, do u all know??

I bet u all dont know... i dont need people to go sad n stress along with me ... i prefer to chuck all my miserable feelings away so that people around me dont feel miserable... Dont i always look so happy n normal even though some of you might know im sad inside...???

i guess michelle always gets that... one moment she'll see me arguing with bf like mad... She'll be so scared ofme like im gonna eat her like that... but another moment i'll turn to her.. "so, yeah..lets continue wat we talked just now... how to do question 5 arr?"... True right michelle? Heheheheee....

Thats y i have a blog to vent my sadness n anger... and i always feel much better after typing it all out... like now... i was crying at the beginning of this typing session... now i've stopped crying...

Well, thats me... So, now u know!

6 comments:

Michelle said...

Sis! I dont really know what to say...like everyone else saying, dont be sad or cheer up...yes, but juz to let you know Im here!

Egg said...

everyone has their own stress. and all of them should(/must) know how to handle the stresses. but don't simply show ur stress on others, esp to one u love/care. u must be don't want to let ppl tat u love/care worry or uncomfort bcoz of ur unhappiness. -every problem comes with its reason & solution-
time allocation is also an important thing tat u should know, as well.. try to be smart on it!

adrian said...

c'mon cheer up a lil.. thats fact of life that its sad.

/joke
maybe u can make him jealous by sleeping with someone?! like me?!
/joke

nah.. he will understand u sooner or later. i believe nobody's hard work can be ignore.

Jane said...

Hey Jane!! Feel sorry for what you are facing now. Hope you would get over it ASAP.

Cheer up. ^^

*hugs*

Regards,
Jane
the other Jane from Christien New community.

SilverIsle said...

Aikz. I feel sad for you but I don't know what can I do to help you. Hope everything will turn well soon in your relationship. Cheerz. =)

Sasi a.k.a Saz said...

Acording to numerology..if your boy friends is born on 2th 11th 20th or 29th...then he will fall towards friends more than you.....BUT theres more to that also in due time - if ur curious ..then drop me a line at :)