Wednesday, May 30, 2007

This is a very good commercial...

I think this is a very good commercial... be a good influence to your children k...


Let me whine n complain please...

This is an entry about my whines and frustration... so it might get boring..

ARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

30 more days before i go back.... exam is 19 days to go... im fucked!! soooooooo no mood to study... somemore nowadays so freaking cold... always 14 degrees and below... makes me wanna sleep all the freaking time!! Sleep 4 hours not enuff, sleep 8 hours also not enuff.. sleep 16 hours also not enuff... wtf k!! Somemore now, no one to snuggle up in the bed with when it cold.. Im always feel so freaking cold here... cause my bed is too big for me alone... and no one's body heat to snuggle with... sigghh... i miss winter last year...

Sometimes i feel like breaking down n just give up la... i cannot crawl any longer... i tried to be tough, tried to crawl ever since March till now.... really feel like i cannot crawl anymore... Now it feels more like me dragging my body on the floor to go on for the rest of the month.. i try not to think anymore...but i cant help it!! I still think.. and think... miss n miss.... crap!

DAmn la k... these 4 months feels like eternity...feels like 4 years... ive gone through 3 months... and i got another month to go... SHITTT...

I tried not listening songs that remind me of someone i miss so much... but i cant..i need to listen to them so that i can go on with my damn life...

Example, each time i listen to Akon's Dont matter... it reminds me in the car with him while i record a video of him saying goodbye to me..asking me to take care for these 4 months in Adelaide... arrghh...i think also wanna cry k....

Whenever i listen to Shayne Ward's No promises, it never fails to make me think of him... same goes to Waiting For you by Hu Yen Bing... so many songs la k...

Can someone suggest me things to do that wont make me feel sleepy ha?? Im so freaking sleepy every single day... thus its making me more stupid and lazier...

Sighh..whine so much also no use...cause it wouldnt make me graduate!! I just wan to get over it and grad quickly! i dont wanna suffer anymore!!

Like i always say the best things in life now is to be able to love again... to be able to feel the love... feel the cuddles n snuggles from someone u love...

I feel so envious...envy of all those couples out there..who get to cuddle at night n sleep... couples who get to do things together everyday...see eachother everyday, doing things together and build more memories together... sigh... how i wish i get to have that... i feel so empty... feel so empty at night nowadays... i have nightmares and weird dreams when i sleep at night... probably its because i feel so empty and lonely...thats y i have those weird dreams... the only thing that i have accompany me at night nowadays is my bolster... the bolster that gives me the only comfort n memories...

Eeeeee...ish ish...i so want someone to hug... want someone to do the couply things together... i am so lonely... i so wan someone to be able to make me study... force me to study... teach me macroeconomics... lol...

Sighh... another 30 days to go before i go back... i just have to "keep holding on...." like the song from Avril Lavigne...

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Things that pisses me off...

I read a blog entry from monkeywong about "ten ways how she pisses me off". So it gave me inspiration to write "things that pisses me off.."

Scenario 1

One cold morning day while i was still asleep...

*house phones rings*

Me: *sleepily answers phone* uhh hello?
idiot: Hi, is this jen soo? (Australians realy dont know how to pronounce chinese names properly k)
Me: yes?
idiot: Oh, Hi jen.. this is bla bla from bla bla bla (telephone company) calling you to offer you our great deals from bla bla bla that u can have. Just want ask u a few question..
Me: *still fucking sleepy* uhh no, im not interested..
idiot: Oh, u have to listen to this.. when u subscribe our plan, u'll get bla bla etc etc...
Me: *getting agitated* Sorry im not interested.. im still sleeping.. call me back tomolo..
idiot: Oh, its just for awhile only.. u see.. bla bla bla bla..
Me: i said im fucking sleeping! im not interested!!!
idiot: Oh sorry, i guess u must be not feeling well today huh..are u sick?
Me: *wtf??* yea yea, im not feeling well..
idiot: ok, u have a good rest and a great day...take care.. bye.. *click*
Me: *Fucking shit.. sleep also cannot..*

I find it so bloody annoying when people that i dont know calls me for no fucking reason while im still asleep! But I still have to answer the phone for 2 reason, one prolly is my mum, and 2nd the sound of phone ringing is bloody annoying thats y!

Scenario 2

As some of you would know, im a burberry fan.. and i only goes into designer shops to look at things when im interested in buying their stuff.. i dont just simply go into stores when i have no intentions of buying.. this is my concept ---> dont plan to buy or no money to buy, dont waste people's time..

I was at this particular burberry shop in Melbourne one day.. i was so interested in buying something from there la.. in fact, lots of things from there... I was just wearing a normal jeans and just a spagetti strap into the store, so i dont look rich... They have at least 8 sales girls.. all chinese except 1 aussie... NONE of them come to service me.. cause i looked like a bloody poor student.. i tell u i was very annoyed by their service.. So, i started looking n trying on clothes then came the aussie sales girl, giving me service.. finally... but she was really nice la.. After almost 2 hours in the shop, i bought like almost 10 items from there.. when the other chinese sales girls saw me buying alot.. ohh then they start swarming.. suggesting me to buy this n that... i tell u.. i never even look at them! I gave them the same treatment back... i only buy all my purchases from the aussie girl.. and the end, when i was about to pay.. most of the sales girls was at the counter looking at me paying... i fucking took my platinum credit card out n smack it right into their face to see.. of cuz, all of them speechless... me satisfied... muahahaa..

This is because i fucking hate it when sales girls judge their customers... So, what if they work at Burberry's or Louis Vuitton... u guys r only sales girls wat... shouldnt judge every single customers that comes in... So bloody cocky for wat!!! I think all sales girls should think that people that dares to come into designer shops like that can afford to buy it la!! Idiotsss... *fyi, i dont look down on sales girls.. i've been a sales girl before so i know how it feels, but i just hate it when sales girls judge their customers like that*

Scenario 3

When i tried calling someone especially my bf... i could not get him... I dont know la.. its just me to keep on calling until someone answers the phone.. i dont feel good when someone dont answer my phone.. i will keep calling n calling until u pick up man...

One fine night, my bf called me n said he's driving home now...and he said when he reach home he will talk to me again.. fine... Distance from work to his house half an hour...So i took into consideration the jam, he needs to bath n chill for a while... 1 hour...

3 hrs later... no call..

I called him.. no one pick up... i tried again...i tried n tried consecutively non stop for the next 3 hours... Imagine things that is running through my head for that 3 hours... like.. omg, did he get into accident? or did his parents screw him smoking again.. is he fucking another girl?.. i think n think... my conclusion... my gawd, i think he met into accident... takan he went to sleep without msging me to tell me that he's sleeping? i was freaking scared k... literally crying n all.. like keep on OMG OMG OMG.. dont die.. i still wanna see u... ok, i know i sounded crazy...

After 3 freaking hours.. he picked up...

he: uhh hullo? *sounding sleepy*
me: OMG u r fucking sleeping!! @#%%#$@@%^@ *imagine all the vulgar words that came out from my mouth while crying*
he: uh yeah
me: u know i was worrying like crap.. dunno wat happen to u ..bla bla bla...bla.. u fucking selfish bastard...bla bla bla.. *then i hung up on him.. so fucking pissed n was crying like mad*

Then i thought to myself... dunno whether to be mad that he actually fell asleep or relieved that he was actually ok... sighh.. then i was in a confused state..but still crying like crap... then he called me back, i didnt want to answer... msged me but i msged him back with more scolding and i did not wan to talk to him the whole day next day...(which i felt like crap, cause i have to talk to him la)... i told my best friend about this incident.. she said i am sooooo over reacting.. which now i think i did.. but at that moment it was really full of worries ma.. wat if i dun get to see him anymore? +_+ But seriously..wat is the use of having a phone when u dont pick up calls? Might as well dont carry phone la..! annoying !!!

Scenario 4

example...
Mum: eh jane ar, i tell u.. later u go to uncle's place to pass him his document and then u go telekom pay the bills then u go to fetch ur sister back from school k..
me: ok mum..
Mum: remember u know, go to uncle's place to pass him his document.. then remember go to pay the bills u know..
me: yes mum..
Mum: oh and remember to fetch ur sis at 6.20 arr..
me: yes mum.. i know la.. fetch her every day wan, i know wat time she finished school la..
Mum: hmmm ok... ok arr.. remember to go to uncle's house at bla bla bla to give him his document u know...
me: yes mum..ok...
Mum: then u remember to pay the bill at telekom u know.. do u know which telekom office to go arr...
me: i know mum...
Mum: nevermind i tell u again... u better go to the one at burma road wan..less people.. service faster.. u go through newlane road better..dont go through macalister road.. cause always jam..
me: yes mum..
Mum: remember you know.. go through newlane road arr.. not macalister road ar..

*and she keeps repeating the same thing all over again and again anddddd.... AGAIN!!!*

me: *getting agitated adi* i know la mum.. how many times u have to repeat...!

when i say that, usually she gets mad adi.. then we start fighting again... and i usually walks away from her.. too lazy to fight with her unnecessarily...

Scenario 5

Some of you would know.. and all my friends that knows me personally, knows that i cannot write in chinese and speak in mandarin or cantonese... but i can speak hokkien la..and i can understand mandarin n cantonese when people speak it...

Both my brother and sister are from chinese school.. im the only miserable one who is a banana...

One fine day... while my sister was doing her homework when she decided to get cheeky...

mysis: sister, come teach me this one...

*and she shows me a bloody chinese book*

Me: @#$%&*#, you dont think u r sooo funny arr! i slap u then u know.. $@#$%&@ *yes, i do swear in front of my bro n sis* then i smack her in her head..not so hard la..

occasionally my bro would tease me like that... and it always drives me up the wall when they do that... cause i hated the fact that i cant read chinese and cant speak them... i blame myself.. ish!

There's more to write about things that pisses me off.. but then im afraid this entry is getting too long that i might bore u people.. so i better stop before it gets more boring.. hehehee... well... take care ppl...

haiyo.. exam is coming, n i still havent study! JANE, GET UR ASS UP TO STUDY LA!!!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Crappiest Daughter...

OH MY GAWD!!!!

I just realised that im the crappiest daughter in the whole wide world k..

After posting an entry about christianity... my friend winnie posted a comment to me ... and this is what she said..

i quote wat she said...

"Its because we are not perfect and sinful, that's why we need God.

God knows we are far from perfect, thats why Jesus died on the cross for our sins.

Salvation is not earned, no matter how many good deeds we do, how holy a life we lead, cos God's love for us is unconditional, its not based on what we have done or have not done.

All of us sin, and we will continue to sin cos we are only human and live in a fallen world. But with His strength, His guidance, we can grow to be more Christ-like.

Its just like relationship with your parents. If u do something really sinful or wrong, does it mean ur parents don't love u anymore?"

Seriously, oh my gawd!!!

I never realised that... i always thought they dont love me... shit man.. im such an idiot...

I have done so much to my parents.. gave them so much disappointed yet i still blame them for everything that i've done wrong... cause i always say they dont know how to raise a child k... After what winnie has said, i realised that my parents forgave every nonsense shit that i've done to them... i seriously felt like the crappiest daughter k...

I can honestly say that my parents arent perfect... They dont know how to express their feelings to their kids.. they dont talk and communicate with me, my bro n sis much... all they know is to work.. and i used to think that the way they show their love is to just give us money... and when they have their stupid mood swings, they dont give us money and screw us for no reason... this is what i used to think... but i guess nobody is perfect..

I remembered when i was young, they used to beat the crap out of me when i do little things wrongly.. i used to hate them.. hate them for not letting me go out... hate them for controlling me so much...

but they still loves me even though they know i hate them to the max.. they still cared for me when my school grades are failing (even though they will beat n screw me like crap).. but they still send me to overseas to study even though my results arent that good.. cause they know that i cannot survive without a degree...

and these days, i've been going through hell in my relationships... i disappoint them so much because of my messed up relationship which i brought to myself.. but they r still there to care for me, stand by me and try to support and help me from my messed up relationship...

I admit, even though my parents is abit fucked up in their own little way.. sometimes they swear at me to be just a whore and ask me to just die.. said so many demeaning words to me... but i know they never mean it.. cause i know they just want to push me into a better person...

I just realised all these today... my gawd.. im so stupid k.. 24 years old already only realised... But anyways, i just wish that they will screw me less.. each time i goes back to msia, all i get is scolding n endless scolding.. sighh... and being me, i tend to be so hot tempered n get more stubborn when someone screws me...so i always end up yelling back at them whether im wrong or right... sigh.. im a crappy daughter.. i know...

Anyways, i wrote an email to my mum today.. telling her that im sorry for everything that i've done... so damn shy k... i was never this sentimental towards my parents.. i think they would probably got heart attack when they read my email... cause it will be a shock to them that i write such emails... hehehe... i dont how will they reply huh... they better not call me and discuss bout it cause i will put on a macho jane mask and talk to them like it was nothing.. im always like that... ehhee..

ok, back to bloody assignments now... ^_^

ps: sorry if this entry is too gay to take... i find it gay too..
*shy* *shy* -_-"

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Christianity...

I have been going back to church these days... I've been going to church for 1 month already! But i cant help it but to feel guilty each time i go to church... wanna know why?........ cause i sin alot... oh before i go on, people that have a strong christianity faith (that will get angry to the max when someone talks something bad about christianity) is not advisable to read on.. If u r ok with anything goes.. then read on la... But bear in mind, i respects God alot...I don’t intend to insult or question God in anyway ok.. But what I am about to say and ask might offend some people here.. I apologise if i did...

Ok going back to part where i sin alot... well, yeah.. i sin alot... and im not the type that goes to church every sunday acting all holy n shit but then sin the remaining days of the week....

U see, out of the 10 commandments in the bible

1. “Thou shalt have no other gods before me”
2. “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image”
3. “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain”
4. “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy”
5. “Honour thy father and thy mother”
6. “Thou shalt not kill”
7. “Thou shalt not commit adultery”
8. “Thou shalt not steal”
9. “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour”
10. “Thou shalt not covet”

I think I probably break 3 or 4 almost everyday… not 3 or 4 everyday… but at least 1 per day and probably 3 or 4 per week… I know, Im sinful, I feel really sinful myself too…

Anyways back to the story, I started going to church since I was young.. when I was like 9 years old.. up until 16 years old.. cause my parents stopped going to church since I was 16… Wanna know why my parents stopped going to church? It is because the people from Church keeps on taking advantage on my parents' wealth.. whenever they need money, the first person they approach is my parents.. need money for renovation and etc etc... they look for my parents... its not like my parents is not wiiling to help.. but then seriously, they just keep on coming for small little problems as if my parents print money k... My parents is not like the wealthiest person in Penang but they only have enough to support us and especially me..the daughter that can spend alot (because of my studying abroad la).. ^_^

My previous pastors and etc.. they tried to talk me into christianity.. they want to baptised me... but I refused... i refused them for like sooooo many times... I did not want to be baptied because i knew im a sinner and i know I will still keep on sinning.. Whats the point of getting baptised when u know u will sin? Im really not those types that pretend to be holy on sunday, claim themselves as christian but they sin like hell... Same concept to buddhism also.. like when u watch the chinese gangsters movie.. each time before they go for a war fight and killing with another group of gangsters, they will pray to their Gods and ask for protection... wat the hell!! really dont makes sense k...

Then when I entered college until today, I only go to church whenever I feel like it… so these days, I started going to one...I felt really really sinful going to one.. cause u know why… The reason is that and the truth, I never intend to stop sinning…

Take one of the commandments for example, Thou shalt not lie.. How to not lie?? I lie every single day man! To me, I have to lie to go through my day… Its not like I want to be liar or what la.. but I think, sometimes by lying.. it will not cause any trouble.. cause sometimes, to be completely honest, will lead u nowhere and get u into trouble.. really…!

Take another commandments for example Thou shalt not commit adultery..
To my understanding, Thou shalt not commit adultery means no sex before marriage right? How can this happen in today’s world? When u have encountered the wonders of orgasm, u would want to have sex every single day k (ok, maybe not everyday but at least 4 times per week, LOL)… and you will feel more bonded with someone u love… and maybe that is the reason why there is more love problems when people have sex without thinking rationally.. But still, I still think orgasm is the most wonderful thing that is ever created… (mind me..^_^) Therefore, i need to have sex and i would dump my bf if he sucks in bed! im serious k... Cause i think sex is very important in a relationship... Bad sex, bad relationship... but this doesnt mean i would simply sleep around k.. i have my class one k... so perverts, keep out!

Anyways.. please tell me, how to be a good Christian.. It really hard to not sin.. really… But honestly, I don’t intend to stop sinning… so, I really feel bad of going to church… Whenever I go to church, I start to imagine everyone’s head is surrounded with pure blue light… mine is like evil red light surrounding me.. get wat I mean? Kekee… But i dare to go to church these days cause i dont sin as much as before anymore... this is because bf in Msia.. So, i dun commit adultery for now... hahahahaha...

Sighh… I don’t know… I really don’t know what to do… I am seriously a confused lost black sheep… I still refuse to be baptised... even when people ask me whether are u a christian? My usual answer is "errmm, im suppose to be a christian because my dad's father is a christian.. but im not baptised and i dont go to church".. and people always gives me the blank face each time i answer them that... heheee...

Each time i have somethings to ask God, i didnt dare to do it... like for example, each time my pastor in church asked us to raise our hands if we have needs, if we need God to help us and then the whole church community will be praying for you... and i never fail to ask myself, "do i deserve to ask for prayers and needs when i dont intend to be baptised..? Do i deserve God's blessing when i sin on purpose? Do i deserve it when i intend to keep on sinning?" sighh.... I never dared to ask so much from God... cause i think im a black sheep...

So any opinions?... please comment, I really need some answers… but please… after reading this, please… don’t judge me as a bad person after what I’ve wrote… but im really just being really truthful… I am really nice to people who are really nice to me.. So don’t worry, I wont lie to people that are nice to me… ehhehee.. ^_^

and again, im sorry if i have offended anyone.. it is really just my thoughts.. i never intend to make fun of God or anything christians at all... I just needed some answers myself... I really do love n respects every God la...

peace ppl... ^_^

Saturday, May 19, 2007

About Myself...

This is an entry about myself for my friends from the bloggers world and people like u that have nothing to do and would like to waste time reading blogs... ehehee.. good good.. come read more often ya...

My name is Jane.. duh!! I was born on 8th August (remember to give me presents!! lol) with Leo as my star sign...


"This is me...."

I am originally from Penang, Malaysia... an island in North Malaysia and it is said to be the second most happening place in Malaysia after KL... is it so? i dont know..


"more me...."

I am currently working in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia as a Valuation Executive... What do i value? I value Properties/Real Estates/Lands/Etc... Im a Valuer... *yeah i know, i dont have the valuer face!* But my long term ambition is to be an air-stewardess! cause i love to travel around the world to eat diff kinds of food! hence, my fatness...!

I choose to work in KL with the same reason everybody out there have... Its because working in KL especially my field of work; i will be able to learn more n have better experience compare working back in Penang as the property market in KL are much wider...

I graduated with a degree (ONLY!) from University of South Australia (from Adelaide, Australia), majoring in Property Valuations (thats why im doing valuations now). But with my degree, i not only get to be a valuer.. but i also get to be a property manager... developer... basically everything that is related to property!


"more pics of myself.. i know i look old in this... but watever!"

Before studying in Adelaide, Australia... I went to KDU COllege Penang to study and that was on year 2001.. i was studying a Diploma called Higher Diploma in Computer Studies... i did that for 2 years.. and my 3rd year i had the option to continue another year to get a degree in computing.. But then i was thinking, i dont wanna work in a computer field next time! no way! and i was soooooo struggling to programming n the programming nonsense... seriously, i dont even know how i can get graduate with a Diploma in computing k... i had no idea what i have been doing in college.. all i did in college was had fun, modelling alot, doing lots of pageants and etc... no serious studying involved and poof! i got a diploma from it... So after that, i wasted almost 1 year to decide whether to continue another year to get a computing degree or just quit studying or go for another different kind of degree.. i wanted so badly to go overseas to study that time.. that if i wanted to continue my studies, it would have to be abroad... or else, forget it! This is what i told my parents... Well, they dont allow me to study overseas in the first place, so fine.. i said i dont want to study, i was serious and my parents thought i was joking... i went on doing modelling jobs full time as i was part time before... and i even went for air-stewardess interview and all... Then my parents start to worry about me not getting any proper jobs and all.. So they finally decided to send me to Australia on July 2004... and i finshed my degree end of 2007...


"my modelling life back in Penang..."

I come from a family of 5.. Both my parents (i have very young parents by the way ^-^ ), a younger bro who is 8 years younger than me and a younger sis who is 11 years younger than me... so yeah, im the eldest... i love my sister the most cause she is the most obedient in the house towards me.. my bro, i still love him of cuz... my only bro... but he really gets into my nerve most of the time... annoying, retarded, stupid fella.. ahhahaa .. he would only be afraid of me if i go berzerk on him... or else, talking nicely to him wouldnt work.. and my sister turning into teenager, im so worried of her... young girls nowadays, so advance.. i dont wan her to turn into sluts.. how to take care of her?? arrgghhh!


"my sweet sister..."

I the type that believe in heaven where God lives..He has one big book for each of us human that lives today... THE BIG BOOK OF FATE...In the big book is our fate, our journey of life and all the plannings that is already planned ahead for us even before we were even born... Therefore i never regret things that i did before cause i believe i was made to think and do things that way for a reason from God... Therefore, im not afraid of death as i know its all planned by God...

I was brought up with the influence of Christianity but im not baptised yet... As i feel that im not ready to be baptised yet when i myself feel so sinful towards myself... But i would definately want to be baptised one day... One day... when my life is more stable n calm...

I am afraid of darkness... please dont leave me in a dark empty room... i would just freeze there n cry...

I hate insects.. especially cockroaches, lizards and leeches! yuck! My parents brought me to Taman Negara for a holiday and it was supposing to be a nice calming holiday just to go hiking n relax.. and little did i know, Taman Negara is full of leeches!! All i did there was to cry n yell in there cause the leeches keep attacking me like nobody's business!! yuck!

I love to eat... i am willing to try many different kinds of food just as long as the food is not from insects... you know those fried grasshopper, fried spiders.. ewwww... But sometimes, i tend to get very picky about food... For example, i dont eat bananas, durians, rambutans, papayas... i dont eat fruits that are not refrigerated.. I dont eat brinjals but i eat ladiesfingers, no avocado... I drink pure black coffee only (with sugar of cuz) I dont drink tea with milk.. except for mamak..

Im not a very health concious person... i just eat watever i want.. and i indulge into food alot when i dont model... so thats y ever since i went to Australia for my studies, i gained so much bloody weight compared to before i was in Australia...

I am not a spoilt kid like my bro (he's the only son, thats y)... i get my things from my parents the hard way... after sooooo muchhh begggggiiinnngggg n pleeeaaadddiinnnggg... cause they want me to realise the value of money.. and how hard is it to earn money... as this is because, both my parents came from a very poor family... and they live comfortably today is because of their hard work... yes, my parents work very hard... thats y 3 of us (me, my bro n sis) are not so close with them... we grew up with maids and we have closer bonds with maid than our parents cause our parents only know how to work.... its ok, i understand... i love them still...

Hmm... wat else is there to say? My love life... hehee... just two word for it...

VERY UNSTABLE...

Sometimes i really just wan to give up on love and not marry for the rest of my life... and just be a single mum... I gotta have kids cause i love children... I am serious man.. You see... To my perspective... If i marry, i'll have husband n kids.. both brings serious problem, might as well eliminate one n keep one problem.. so i rather choose to have kids than a husband... you know why? Cause when i die, i at least still have my kids with me, cause my husband will probably die before me... and husbands cheat all the time.. im not saying all but i think 95% of them do cheat on their the other half before... so wat for?? Im not saying girls dont cheat.. they do.. Its just that being in a relationship nowadays no longer mean anything as i find myself very hard to trust someone whom im in a relationship with and even myself! Sighh... if only love is not that complicated... But i still hope that one day i could find my true love and marry someone who loves me as much as i love him..

I dont have much friends back in Penang... cause most of my friends in Penang are all mostly my high school friends... and they all went missing after Form 5... you know, the usual..im busy, i have to work, am somewhere in the world.. cannot meet up and etc etc.. i asked for reunion until fed up adi... But i have one best friend... Her name is Mel.. i believe in having only one best friend (same theory as having one bf or one husband).. She is the one that i loved the most among my friends.. cause she bother to at least meet up.. we share lots of nonsense... i know everything bout her and she knows everything bout me.. so lets say if one day i had suddenly die, she would know why... hahahaa.. and she would know wat is allowed in my funeral and what is not allowed... lol!


"This is Me and my lovely sweet Mel..."



"My Friends in Australia..."

I have lots of good friends and close friends... but they are all mainly friends i knew in Uni... N most of them is back in Malaysia, living in Kuala Lumpur.. That is also one of the reason why im working in KL... cause i have more friends here...


"More friends!!"

And not forgetting another group of friends of mine... My course mates... we go through hell and heaven together when studying the damn property degree... Honestly, without them, i wouldnt have gotten so far... they helped me alot... Thank you very muchie... u know who u r...


"My ever so helpful lovely coursemates..."











and.... this is me when im high...


i got kissed... heheee...

Enjoy urselves ppl... come back soon!!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

This is sooooooo cuteeeee!!

I got all these videos from my friend jon who email me.. so cute k...

See this one below.. ninja baby!! or bruce lee's baby... hahahahaa



This one below tells us why our kids need animals with them... at the beginning is kinda boring..but towards the end..fuh! cute!!!



enjoy people... hehee..

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

80's babies..

I got this idea of the 80's babies from my friend who forwarded the message in the friendster bulletin board... but im modifying it into my version... my memory lane from childhood...

I grew up watching transformers, thundercats (thunder... thunder!!.. thundercats!! rawwrrr!!!), woody woodpecker my fav!! I never liked watching chipmunks or ninja turtle or bajam hitam (wtf is that man!).. bugs bunny used to be cute for me... hated power rangers but my younger brother loves them! Oh.. the care bears!! akakaaa... come to think of it.. it were all stupid la... I remember i used to watch all these lame cartoons every saturday morning.. TV1, TV2 and TV3... non stop!.. that time no AStro or even NTV7 yet la...

Then in primary school.. i remembered that we had to take those stupid BCG injections on std 1 and std 6... I never cried even once while taking injections in my life... in fact, i love em!! hehehee.. but im no junkie k.. but i always see alot of my friends crying while getting the injections... wat is there to cry about la.. cry or not cry, still have to take the injections wat... chewww... then remember, we have like a public gov dentist that comes to out school for regular check up.. teach us how brush our teeth with fake teeth model... and i remember feeling so stupid.. cause i dont need no one to teach me how to brush my teeth cause i was soooooo darn lazy to even brush my teeth last time.. i used to even bluff my mum when my mum asked me whether have i brushed my bloody teeth.. very lazy to brush teeth la..
Somemore, i think some schools do force us to brush our teeths during recess at primary school.. had to bloody hold plastic cups, line up with my classmates side by side and start brushing our teeths at some open area, near some drain and let our school seniors (those std 6 ppl) laugh at us like we were so retarded... yes it was.. but as if they never do that!!!

Not to forget our 'program minum susu' (milk drinking programme.. LOL!) in primary school.. everybody is suppose to buy like cartons of milk that costed 30 cents.. and you would see everyone drinking it everyday...its d UHT milk... hehee..i always liked the plain white n chocolate only.. hated the strawberries flavor cause it tasted like milk with cough syrup in it.. yuck!

And can u guys remember how blardy cheap the food was in our canteen? blllloooooddddyyyyyy cheap! It was like 40 cents for a bowl of noodles.. 10 cents for a cup of drink... 20 cents for a packet of fruits... and 20cents for like a packet of chips... I remember our school used to set some strict rules to our canteen workers that they are not suppose to sell unhealthy snacks to the students... But there's one particular aunty that sells bread in my primary school always have hidden stash of junk food... and she would sell it to us when no teachers are looking... muahahaaa... and at the end of the recess time, u can see so many different types of junk food packaging thrown everywhere... the teachers were like, where the hell does all these junk food comes from... lol

How about when your school after school and especially if your school is near some sundry shop or to the 'roti' man waiting outside the schools so that we can buy junk food like chickedees, mamee, ding dang with some toys in it, 'Ti Kam', ice-cream and we would play games like monopoly, uno, old maid, and all other card games like that... hahahaaa... good old days...

Another fun time would be during Pendidikan Jasmani (PE). The boys would play football while the girls would play netball... and it would be like we were playing in the world cup... lol... and then we would fight when we lose.. and the famous phrase u would say when u were young.. "i dun wan to flend you!" hahahaa...

But of course. the best would be main guli, wolf-hit-hand, single-legged jump to catch ppl, batu seremban, bottlecaps, Bola-peh-kong, ice-cream sticks, 'Pepsi Cola one-two-three', Cops and Robbers, main kejar-kejar duduk,getah... and for the not so
active, those kind of 'book games' where we would use buku latihan to draw and ask our friends to play... COme to think of it now... i wanna play those again!! i missed the single-legged jump.. i used to be able to jump until as high as my own head k.. of cuz that time i was short la.. now, if i were to jump my height... i'll die la.. sure fall flat on the ground... hahaaha

Do you remember the ice-cream tubes which are actually ice and colouring that are sold for 10 to 20 cents.. the colourful ones.. where you usually bite off the top to glup it down...my friends always tells me the Orange flavor tastes the best.. but i liked the green ones better..

What about days when we felt like doing naughty things such as folding papers so small to make 'lastik' and shoot each other... how about throwing chalks?? I still do that when i was in secondary shcol... and i used to steal school's chalk when i was 9 years old.. and i got caught! my gawd... the damn teacher who caught me with it gave me a big hit on my hand with that bloody long yellow ruler... damn.. it was only a chalk.. all i wanted to do is to bring it home and draw some drawing on my house cement floor.. since school dont allow me to draw on school's floor.. so, i bring it home to draw la.. like that also cannot...

Back then, micheal jackson was just turning white.. and still had albums coming out.. compared to CD's, we were listening to tapes that sold for RM9.90... That time i was so into wild orchid.. 911!! backstreet boys!! ahhhaaa.. my fav was 911! and imagine my excitement when i went to see their promotional tour in 1-stop, Penang.. excited nyer!!!

In computer class, we were still using black and white computer moniters.. played 'Atari'... maybe SEGA or NINTENDO... When i was in form 3, i was so called one of the seniors in my school's computer club..cause i was in the computer club ever since it was established k.. then my school wanted us to organise an event/program to help teach students that are computer illiterate... I was teaching this particular girl who was very innocent and nice how o use a computer and start one... I forgot what she did to the comp that it went totally blank all of a sudden...(but it was not spoilt la)... She was so shocked and asked me what happened to the comp.. and i scared her by telling her that she has ruined the schools comp and that she had to pay for it... She went berzerk.. crying n sobbing... fuhh.. i tell u.. she shocked me back k... after crying, she just ran out of the room and that day onwards, she did not dare to come back to comp club anymore... ehehehee... i of cuz never admitted to her that it was suppose to be a lie n a joke.. cause i see her having so much trouble of cying adi.. might as well keep on lying la... lol..

Doent all these brings memories... heheee... i feel so old now.. it has been 6 years since i left high school... fuhh... it felt like it just happened a few days ago man! Now today, i've got some friends who are married, getting married.. some even have kids by now..

And everytime i see those high school girls acting crazy... i would feel soooo jealous of them! and i would also shake my head thinking that they are sooo bloody childish but in actual fact, i've done wat they r doing right now... and wayyy much more and wayyyyyyyy much crazier than them... ahhaha..

Somemore kids nowaays so bloody lucky k... my sis is only 11 years old when she got her first handphone.. and i got mine at the age of 17+.. shitittit!! not fair!!


It always feels good, fun and exciting to talk about our good ol childhood days isnt it... hehehee... i wouldnt feel bored talking about it, even though ppl keeps on bringing school memories up each time we have a reunion...

Sigh... talking about reunion... when the hell is my high school friend wanna have a reunion la... all always sooo blardy busy... i always only have reunion with one person each time i goes back to msia.. that is my bestest friend in the world.. Mel... ehhehee...

aiya... wanna go pee pee adi... cannot stand adi... ciao...

Monday, May 14, 2007

Taaaagggggggeeeeeddddd...

I finally get to do this.. May tagged me a long time ago.... i have forgotten bout it until today i read her blog again... hheehheee... here i go....


Part 1: On the outside
Name : Jane Soo
Date of birth : 8 Aug
Current status : in a relationship
Eye color : Dark brown
Hair color : real color, very dark browm... current color, dyed with purple red
Right of left handed : right..
Zodiac : oink oink

Part 2: On the inside
My heritage : pure chinese.. if u want me to be specific, im 3/4 hokkien and 1/4 hakka.. lol
My fear : being lonely, darkness, creepy crawlies
My weakness : fall in love easily...
My perfect pizza : crispy crust hawaiian with loads of cheeseeeeee...

Part 3: Yesterday, today & tomorrow
Your first thought waking up : got msg or not huh...
Tomorrow : is another boring day
Your bedtime : not consistant
Most missed memory : for now, it about last year... even though last year wasnt a verrryyy good year... but still...

Part 4: Your pick
Pepsi or Coke : coke
McD or Burger King : dont mind both
Single or group dates : depends
Adidas or Nike : Nike
Lipton tea or Nestea : Lipton tea
Chocolate or Vanilla : depends
Cappuccino or coffee : coffee

Part 5: Do you...
Smoke : yes
Curse : yes..but i try not to curse in front of my church friends.. hehee..

Part 6: In the past month
Drank alcohol : yes...
Gone to the mail : yes
Been on stage : yes
Eaten sushi : yes...

Part 7: What were you doing
1 minute ago : assignment
1 hour ago : assignment
4 1/2 hours ago : cooking dessert
1 month ago : bored as hell
1 year ago : i guess i was happy..

Part 8: Finish the sentence
I love : you...
I feel : sleepy
I hate : being fat
I hide : nothing...
I miss : you baby...
I need : to graduate!!!

Part 9: Tag five people
1. sarah
2. michelle
3. mel
4. ???
5. ???

i know no one will tag.... sheeshh.. its ok...

I had a great day yesterday...

It was a great day yesterday...

Went to church in the morning.. church was good...

It was exceptionally good because its mother's day... and something make me happy there to see someone so happy.... ahhaaha... only michelle n sarah knows wat i mean...

and i saw that woman with cancer again... this time, she is sitting at the same row but not beside me of cuz! She looks much better this time... No more yelling or constant crying... but she still sob alittle yesterday... Its good to her like that... cause at least i guess she finally understands wat to do... or maybe too tired to keep on crying adi... heheee...

After church, i went to dim sum with my church friends and teck hui, wen ting, winnie and their bro, jeff .... 14 of us all together... so happy cause it has been a long time since i've gone out wth big group of friends... long queue at the dimsum place... cause its sunday! most chinese have the habit of eating dim sum on sunday... wat to do.. Did not eat much there... cause wat we do there is mostly waiting for the food... by the time u wait, u r already full from the waiting...

Then by 2.30, mich, sarah and i had to rush to k-box for lily's surprise bday party... we have been planning this for a long time adi... We told lily to come to uni to do our group assignment and asked her to wear nicely cause we wanted to take pictures around uni... so its a perfect plan to lure her to the city by wearing nicely for the surprise bday party... Then i had to call her last minute to tell her that michelle sprained her leg... so i needed her to come help me... lol... by the time i called her, she sounded really pissed cause we were suppose to meet her at uni by 2... but i called her at 3.30... somemore have to ask her to walk so far to just come help me n michelle... But i guess she kinda cared for us alot also la.. cause she arrived very fast right after i called her... faster than i had expected la.. When she knew it was surpise bday party... she was so surprised... Ssssoooooooooooo happpyyyyy.... it was so worth it to see someone so happy when u put alot of effort into doing things for them... very priceless k.... kekekee....

We bought her Wendy's ice cream cake... Had dominoes pizza delivered for us.. free pizzas cause of michelle's bro... her bro working there... and karaoke for 3 hours.. sing until... fuhh.... 8 of us was there.. sarah, sammi, june, michelle, hui min, ken, lily and myself... come to think of it.. this is the first time that i actually go out with my coursemates without anything to do with uni... but then they still discuss about assignments while in k-box... shitt.....wat to do all.. all of them really hard working n smart ppl... ;P

After k-box, i went home...suppose to go to buddha bar at night (another karaoke place) wth teck hui and my other group of friends but end up never go cause i was too tired adi... and besides, not much ppl wants to go.... So, i end up doing assignments at home... hard working huh... hehehee...

Today, went to uni for class and i stayed at uni until 6pm to do more assignment ... really damn u know... never ending assignments... sheesh... Now, im cooking beancurd pieces with barley (dessert) ... after this have to continue the blardy assignments again... ish...

blogging off...

48 days to go....

Sunday, May 13, 2007

i had a dream...

A few days ago, i had a dream about a friend of mine passed away... the dream was really really weird.. i did not exactly dream of how she died.. But its like when i started to have the dream, i found out that she passed away from her mum while i was visiting her... Her parents weirdly, did not look very sad.. u know y...cause her parents showed me the things that they found from the things she left... and guess wat was that.... It was full of vibrators, dildos, condoms, handcuffs.. and watever sex toys u can think of... and there is like millions of them! Her basement, attic, and at any hiding secret spot, all u can find is sex toys... hahahaaa... In the dream, it was really weird la k... cause this friend of mine is not that kind of person.. but i dont know why i can dream of her having those kind of things... heehheehe... Its so blardy weird k... In the dream, all i see is sex toys... soooooooo soooooo many of them... piled up as high very high.... hehehee... But i remembered being so sad when i found out that she died la... i was really sad k... cause she was one of my closest friend in high school... sighh.... The dream felt really true n real... that i was practically sobbing when i found out that she passed away (in my dream la) .. I was soooo relieved when i found out that it was only a dream... cause i still love her alot... Not lesbianism love but i really do care for her alot.. even if we were to lose contact like 10 years, i would still help her in everyway i could if she needed me... i'll do anything anytime for her... But she is a very independent person... very mature.. more mature than me.. so i think i would be the one asking for her help first.. ehehehe... But now, we r not as close as before adi due to our differences in friends circle... but its still ok.. i still love her.. hehehee...

ok, i know i crap alot... wat to do..just tot of posting something up... hehehee...

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Exam timetable, sexpo, clubbing n church... weird combinations huh...

haiyoyo.... damn shit k.. exam timetable is out!!!!

This semester's exam timetable is like the students' dream of having it.. cause i got like so many days to study in between exams! This is like the best exam timetable so far... but shit.. i dont need it this sem!! Y cant they give it to me for my previous sem... shit... haihhh... cannot go back early adi!!! But nevermind la.. i guess this timetable is good also... better not complain so much.. hehehee.. But i hope i wont fail adi with such good timetable...

Anyways, i went to Sexpo last saturday... Did not manage to take photos cause i was busy shopping for gifts for people... hehehee... But i saw 2 men wearing uniform with dicks k.. My gawd.. how low can that person be... wearing uniform with dickheads around... hahaha... I went there to buy a red corset... blardy nice k... i was planning to wear it for CNY... looks nice wat... hehehee... but the corset was sold originally for the purpose of a uniform in bed... ehehheee... but how can u wear a corset to bed n do things..u know.. things... its already hard to breath with it... somemore wanna excercise with it??? wth..

After Sexpo, i went to HQ... I went clubbing... I had fun that night... cause it has been a really bloody long time since i went clubbing n have fun... But i was damn useless k... i only drank 2 shots of black sambuca, one shot of cowboys and one baileys with milk.. then i went home feeling all so sick and i puked once... sighh... i am damn useless k... my alcohol tolerance level has gone down so much!! I came back home from clubbing around 3am... and i slept at 4.30am... The wonderful thing is that, i can manage to wake up to go to Church the very next day...! I woke up at around 9.45am...!! Surprisingly!!

On Sunday, i went to church... but i was asleep half the time there... Sorry la... but i was really sleepy... but at least i was there... this is what i think la... Something happen at church that it made me think about it the whole day...

When i first arrived at church, the usual thing happen la... U know u find your seat, then they start singing for the day... I was sitting beside this old lady... she looks like she is in her 50s... While singing, i notice this lady beside me was like so into singing... that she even cried while singing those songs... and even cover her eyes at some point that it looks like she was possessed or something k... im not insulting la... but this is wat she looks like in the beginning ma... The whole time we were singing, she was crying la basically... i feel so uneasy adi k.. cause i cannot stand people sooo like that... wat to do, i am still a lost sheep and last Sunday was my 2nd visit to Church after sooooooooooooo long......

Then when they have their weekly announcement... I forgot what they call it... something like if u need people to pray for you, u submit your request to your pastor then he will ask everyone to pray for you in the service... When he announced that someone got cancer... i so knew it that the person is the lady beside me... She started crying again... haiyoo....

During the preaching, she cried when the pastor say something that she thinks relevent to her.. i was not listening la..cause i was sleeping... but i wake up each time she cries... When the service almost end, she started crying so loudly... and was basically yelling.. "i dont want to die, i am not ready to die... I dont wanna die..." Sighh... Why la... I kept on thinking... If u r meant to die, u will die la... There's nothing much u can change... Like me... at times i feel like killing myself, but i could not do it... I wanna die but could not die yet..cause its not my time yet ma... I know some of you might not agree with me... But then... u see... Since u know u r going to die.. might as well live to the fullest... no point sulking n crying everyday... wanna sulk n cry, just sulk n cry for a week at most..then finish up what u havent finish la... i really think this is the best way... If u r living your life to the fullest, then Maybe God will change your fate again if he sees that u r so keen on living... If u everyday sulk n cry n think that u r going to die... Might as well just go la... very sien wan u know...

each time that lady cry, the person beside her looks like her sister or something, cries with her... she in a way is hurting someone that loves her... When i see that, i feel more pain for the sister than the lady herself... sighh...

To be honest, i feel like she was actually craving for attention lor... why would someone with cancer has the mood to yell so loud out in the public while the pastor was still talking n preaching... i think that is so rude... she probably will traumatise kids that was there ok... she already made me think of her the whole day adi... until today...

Yeah, i know i am heartless... Seriously and honestly, i was really thinking to ask her just to go die... by crying like that is not going to help u live woman.... I know i will never be able to relate how she feels... but then again, i wouldnt be crying in public like that... n yell out loud like that.... But she made me realise something... LIFE IS SO DARN SHORT!~!!!~!!!

Cya people..

P.S: My blardy laptop goes farked up again... and YAY... i got a new bible from Michelle... Thanks Michelle... She is so ever soooo sweet... But seriously man, i have sinned so much that i feel quite uneasy going to church... trust me, i really have sinned so much ok... sighhh....

55 days to go... yay...

Dopod 838 Pro

I went shopping today...

Got myself a very sexy bareback top... a formal working top... 2 sets of bras and undies... (shit, i spend alot again) and......

I got a new phone today! Its a new dopod 838 pro... heheheeee.... Happy!!~!!... i signed up with 3 network.. yeah, again..i know..i got too many phones with me adi... but i still love my Nokia N93i better (which i got it on March) ... hehehee... I took this phone cause i wanted a PDA phone... but i regret taking this phone abit cause the damn memory card is a micro sd card!! wth!!...

Somemore never give me free micro sd card.. i have to buy myself... shit... i prefer the phones with SD card la.. cause i got so many SD cards.. my camera uses SD card.. and I think SD Card is more convenient! Or At least give me a mini SD... cause my Nokia is a Mini Sd.. sigh... i dont know many different types of memory card must i carry man... and this Dopod phone has almost the same function as Mini o2... I used to have Mini o2... and i dont really like it due to many reasons... So, I hope this phone doesnt fail me as my previous mini o2 did... But this Dopod has more function la... it has wireless (now i can msn or surf the net anywhere i want for free!).. and the cool part of it, it can slide to the right for me to use the keypad... ahahaha.. damn yeng k...

Anyways, i think my damn laptop has its own life or something... Yesterday, my laptop was pissing me off so much that i had to restart it every 5mins! At the end, i was really pissed off adi.. then i told myself.."thats it man, im going to format u.. u @#$%& laptop..." So, when i took out my stupid Acer cd to format.. it wouldnt let me... somehow i could not shut down my comp.. then it did not hang anymore! So, i was using it peacefully the whole night without it hanging... but then, when i want to sleep, it still wouldnt want to shut down la!.. This morning, i tried to shut it down properly (u know, where u press start then turn off computer) but it still could not shut...

I dont dare to to force it to shut down cause im afraid if i shut it down, it wouldnt want to start anymore.. if it refuses to start, then its the end of my life adi! No more internet, no more msning, no more skyping, no more movies to watch... NOooooo!! My laptop is my only source of entertainment here... i cannot afford it to die on me now... NOoo!!~!~!~! Sigh... i really dont know what to do with this bloody laptop...

Another news... teck hui postponed his trip to adelaide!! Argghh... He could not leave Sydney for some reason... sighh... but he will only be coming next week... Sighh... No one to go to sexpo with me adi... :( But then ... i invited nick, jared and daphne to go with me... and they agreed to go with me.. yay!! HEheeee... So, i'll be going tomolo night... Going dinner with them..then off to sexpo... I will be shopping at the sexpo i guess... i got things to buy.... hahahaaa... i'll see if i am allowed to take pics, then i'll take some and show u guys k... heheheee...

Ok..thats it for now... tata...

Yay, again... end of next month... here i come!~!!!

Acer Sucks!!~!!

I tell u people.. Dont ever buy Acer laptops k! It sucks big time!! I dont know what happen to my bloody laptop.. but it keeps on hanging for no reason.. and i have to restart my whole laptop to make it run again, then it hangs again... its like on strike or something man!! I got this bloody laptop almost 3 years ago... have to reformat it god knows how many bloody times cause it always somehow have lots of stupid problems with it... sighh... i wan a new laptop!! but no more Acer please!! I'll prolly buy a new one when i start work... ;P

I cannot blog at home when my laptop is down.. i get the most inspiration of writing blogs while im at home sulking, depressing... ehhehe... now, i dont even have the mood to depressed.. cause my laptop's making me frustrated every day that i forgot how depressed i was... lol... so now, i have to blog at uni...

How's my life lately? Hmm...let me think... im always at uni nowadays... doing assignments or not, im at uni... I dont think of how lonely i am these days anymore.. cause i finally get to say "end of next month"... yay!! cant wait.. im so excited... hahhaa.. but which means exam is coming soon too... sighh... Im still lost in studies this sem.. im going to die.. i have no confidence to grad adi la... but i have to.. or else.........................

My most look forward to event is this Saturday... cause Teck hui's coming to Adelaide!!! heheee... but then its not like he will be free accompanying me all the time.. cause he got so many girls and friends out here in Adelaide that he wont have time for me... but then again, its better than nothing.. cause he'll be staying at my place... so i wont be that lonely la... eheheh.. he'll be here for a week...

We had plans on doing things over the weekend adi... ehhehee... We r going to sexpo!~!!! Its a sex exhibition... cool huh... heheeh... Wanna know what sex exhibition is about? Well, i've been one in Sydney... The one in Sydney, i was greeted by topless women at the entrance.. then u get to see live strip shows, buy lots of sex toys (u know like toys... ehhehee), porn mags, uniforms (u know, when u role play in bed... ehhee.. nurses, jap school girl, SM... LOL) and anything to do with sex... So yeah, im going there... to see if there is anything kinky to buy... ahhaaha...I guess

thats all for now...

and again,

End of next month.... I shall wait patiently... ehheheee....

little things...

Little things that the person say to you even though it does not mean anything to that person can definately make your day so bright n makes you feel happy again...

The thing that is said is just so little, that u know it really does not mean anything at all to the person... but when the person says it, it felt like from stormy rainy weather to bright sunny weather...All it takes is the right person saying the right thing... and then it would be like "u had me at hello"... shitt... girls r useless in this way... or may i rephrase it.. people blinded by love are useless in this way? ;P

i know most of you would have known this for sure.. but then it never fails to amaze me each time i get that feeling... it made my day...

Thought of the Day..

My thought of the day...

Is a woman considered a big bitch/idiot for not loving someone when that someone gave its whole life dedicated to her?

Or is she a bigger bitch/idiot for loving someone who dont love her as much as she does?Is it sooooo wrong when that woman decide to chase and choose her own happiness instead of giving into the relationship that she is not happy about?S

ighh...For those who watched aquamarine....there's one part in there that says..."There is a reason why everybody wants love so much""Because Love is the closest thing we have to magic..."It made me think...hmmm...is love really that magical?

It is i guess, cause when i think about it, because of love, many people are willing to do alot stuff just for love...love can make people cry for happiness and sadness..love can make people happy...extremely happy...love can also make people have butterflies in the stomach, sweaty hands and etc...it can also make people change 360 degrees, can make people think about the future and also worry about the future....how wonderful and magical is that?

sighh...thats all for my thought of the day... i always that blurr about love...confused as ever...emotional as ever... bah!

Love is Blind

Its amazing...i find the tagline "Love is Blind" is really amazing...How amazing? Well, some people is willing to do anything for the person they really love just to be with their the other half even though their the other half is a bitch or a bastard...I also find it amazing that what a person can do n sacrifice just for the person they love even though they know there's no future in that particular relationship...y is that so huh? Is love really that blind?

Some people would even give up a great pure love to be with somebody else that dont love them as much as the person who gives great love...sigh...sad isnt it..General people that read this wouldnt know what the hell im crapping here...but bear in mind, my blog is always for myself to understand only... :P

Now, why is it that we dont appreciate great love? I dont know why also...It just happens i guess...I got a particular friend that told me...these kind of things is happening everywhere...Example, this particular girl has a bf that loves her so much, but she is willing to give up that pure love to be with someone who she loves but she knew the new relationship wouldnt last long anyways..but she still went for it...at the end, she n her new bf broke up just a few months after...See! A girl who willing to give up great pure love for someone she loves eventhough she knows it will last for a while only...Weird!

And imagine us girls always complain that no one really loves us...! Bullsh1t! The actual fact is that when we have one, we tend to runaway from it! Cause all of a sudden, she afraid of being too committed! Damn..n in the first place, she always ask for commitment from her partner..when she gets it, she runs away! DAMN!!Its stupid...i find it really stupid...

Why cant we all just sit quietly n be contented to what is given to us..the PURE REAL LOVE!! instead of a puppy love! At my age, i dnt think having flings, puppy love n all the love game/drama is interesting anymore...the courtship might be interesting, but the "lets know each other all over again process" is sooooo damn tiring...u gotta learn his sh1t again (all over again!), what he likes, what he dont like, bla bla bla...Oh i forgot to mention the mind games...damn..its soooo tiring..n now i find it stupid...why cant people just be straightforward n quit playing mind games...i hate it when guys play mind games on me...But i have learnt alot...i have learnt it all from one great master who has been playing mind games with me for five f*cking years! But of cuz i am no master yet...i still have loads to learn...but then i believe i can handle most of the mind games...hehehee...I dont know what else to say..but this topic love or any related topic about love never fails to amuse me...It just gets more n more interesting each time n more n more complicated each time...Well..now im praying...im praying that my life..n my love life gets better n better...

Hope that i will be loved for the rest of my life...Wish that my future husband will not cheat on me at all unlike others that the husbands always cheats on their wives without fail...Wish that i'll have at least 3 healthy good cute kids...hehehe...Wish that i will not have financial difficulties in my life...hehehee...sounds like a dream huh...hhehe...well, it is..without a dream, how can i achieve it... :P

Infidelity vs True Love

Someone once told me...there's no point being so loyal...what is the point?

I wonder what does that person mean...It just makes me wonder...all the infidelities that has been happening around the world happens because there's no point being so loyal? What happen to love? true love? am i the only hopeless romantic left in this world? I still believe in true love...am i the only who still believes in true love? Yes, i know true love is hard to come by...but it does happen! and even if it happens in a weird untimely way but it still does happen!

I had someone whom i know truely loves me till this day...n he never gives up, that i know is true love...but then its just not the right time...i can honestly say, i have not found my real true love yet...maybe time will tell...but as for now, im still looking for the true love...the feeling of true love feeling...The reason why i have not found my true love yet...its because i have been hurt so many times...i can understand why a person can give up on finding true love after being hurt so deeply....but that does not mean that u have to give up on love totally...n staying loyal to ur partner...i believe its just so unfair if that u think there's no point staying so loyal to your so called "the other half" when ur so called " the other half" stays so loyal to u...sighh...love is complicated isnt it...Anyways, another person once told me this..."there's no point cheating on your partner...as because there is alot of hassle...if u r bored with one, just dump one n find a new one..instead of cheating on the other...".

When i first heard that, i was like..huh? Do u think its as easy as changing clothes??? But i totally agree with that...better than a guy being so disloyal...what do u think?

The issue of infidelity really cause lots of problems in a relationship...i dont know what the hell im saying now..but then i'll still go on blabbering...I know finding true love is like finding needle in a haystack...but ya..wat the heck, most of us got married to someone who is not our true love as well...thats y there is always divorce, marriage problems...n most marriage always have infidelity issues...i know my family has...most of my friends' family has...all dad's cheats on all moms! 8 out of 10 cheats! when the husbands cheats..the wives usually goes crazy! i mean imagine...u have been living with someone for most of your life...n when ur so called husband had an affair with another woman..how crazy would u get?! S

omeone u loved so much, trusted so much, someone that vowed n promise u on your wedding day that he will love u for the rest of your life...cheats on you with another woman...sigh...how painful would that feel? Sigh...Yeah, i know i dont sound convincing enough that there is true love...but yeah..true love might happen temporarily...but true love does happen...I dont know what else to say..but im just trying to convince someone n people that dont believe in true love...to believe in it...watch the movie called the notebook...it teaches u the real meaning of true love...how much u r willing to sacrifice for your love...is called true love...

This is how i interpret n look for when i want to know whether a person loves me or not...

1) He dares to look at me in the eyes when we talk or make love...cause if he dont dare to do so...i know he dont really love me afterall..or there is the feeling of guilt in him...

2) He wants to be with me all the time..eventhough i can be so bitchy...

3) We can be so straight forward to eachother..that i can even tell him to "f*** off" or that i can tell him that i made the toilet stuck with my shit...hahaha

4) We talk n discuss every itsy bitsy problems that we have so that it wont turn into a big problem later on if we keep it inside our heart...

5) He said he want to spend the rest of his life with me...I know saying is easy...but trust me..a real man the really loves u will implement it instead of just saying it for fun...

6) He is willing to die for u...same goes here..not by just saying it for fun..he will n can implement it...

7) He wants to hold n touch me all the time even though im at my ugliest n sickest state...he wouldnt mind it for one bit!...

8) He will feel soo delighted n happy just by listening to my voice...

9) If he really loves u, he wouldnt let u wait for hours for him to appear or be late at any occasions at all..cause he just cant wait to see u...

10) If he really loves u, he only has one reason why he loves u..its just simple, because he loves u, thats y he wants to be with u..other extra reasons is just a bunch of sweet talking bullshit crap...

THere is more..but im lazy to type out...all the 10 factors...when u have someone who is willing to do that for u...its true love...but trust me, it can get too annoying at times cause yeah, he will tend to get too sticky on u...thats y...but if u truly loves him as well n as much as he does..u wouldnt find it annoying...in fact, u will be enjoying it...so, if u finds it annoying, means u dont love him as much as he loves u...I gotta stop now...i'll continue next time...

He's not that into you??

Oh..i was resting a little just now so i was reading this book called "He's just not that into you"...this book is recommended by nicole...thank God she recommended this book...cause this book kinda answers all my uncertainty bout my love life....to be honest, i kinda did a check list on my guy, past guys or any potential future guys based on the book, it just made me realise how much of an asshole most of them are...sighh...i think i wanna turn lesbian already!! Fed up with guys already!

These are the topics covered in the book and some of it are my few favourites which i find it so true!

1)He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out - because if he likes you, he will ask u out!2) He's just not that into you if he's not calling you - men know how to use the phone
3) He's just not that into you if he's not dating you - "hanging out" is not dating = "i dont want to be in a serious relationship" means "im not sure that you're the one"
4) He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you - when men like you, they want to touch you, always...*urrmm...this is abit confusing*
5) He's just not that into you if he's having sex with someone else - There's never going to be a good excuse for cheating = "Dont date any man who doesnt know why he does things/or why he cheated on the first place" and " Not only does not respect you or the relationship, he doesnt respect himself enuff to be in a meaningful relationship" and "Dont let any man blame u for their infidelity" - THIS IS SO F***ING TRUE!!!!!!! and last but not least "Cheating is a complete betrayal of trust"
6) He's just not that into you if he only wants to see u when he's drunk - If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgement isnt impaired
7) He's just not that into you if he doesnt want to marry you - Love cures commitment phobia - hmm..very true... True....
8) He's just not into you if he's breaking up with you - I dont want to go out with u means just that = remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company. (SOOOOOO TRUE!!!)
9) He's just not that into you if he's disappeared on you - Sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself = tell yourself y u really need to know why he disappeared...do u really need him to detail every last reason why he didnt feel like seeing you ever again? *very good point*
10) He's just not that into you if he's married (and other insane variations on being unavailable) - If you're not able to love freely, then its not really love = i dont think i need to elaborate more on this...cause in a way u r helping this man to cheat on his wife!! and also "unless he's all yours, he's still hers" - so f***ing true!
11) He's just not that into you if he's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak - if you really love someone, you want to do things that make them happy = yeah..someone who pulls u down mentally, cant be any good..cause he makes your self esteem so low and also "Life is hard enuff as it it without choosing someone difficult to share it with" - yes, this always happens to me...sighh...

This book has really opened my mind n all my confusion...i know wat i need to do now...but i just needed the courage...sigh...im useless arent i? always no courage..so soft hearted..and afraid of being lonely...sighh...anyways, im just waiting for the right time to do the right things with my courage on the same time...sounds really hard...hrrrmmmm.... :(

Platonic Relationships???

Something has been on my mind for a really long time...the question on my mind is that whether a guy n a girl...opposite sexes, can they actually just have a pure friendship relationship without falling in love with each other at all? I never actually believe that a guy n a girl can only have a platonic relationship n no love or sexual feelings involved...I mean how can that be?

Maybe minority of them can do it...but come on, maybe u guys can think like "oh we r really just friends..." dont tell me any of u guys never had any single feeling or thought at all? I believe either party will have that kind of feeling..u know either admiring, love, sexual thoughts n etc...One of my so called friend tried to make me believe that a platonic relationship can actually happen between the opposite sexes...n i did try to believe in him...so yeah, i started to really try to have those kind of the PLATONIC relationship with opposite guy friends...but come on, being me...i cannot stop imagining things...hehee....especially to those good looking ones...n for god's sake, i even dreamt of me doing stuff with the good looking friends...damn! or either, the other party kinda fall for me..or me kinda fall into the trap...i mean, its really hard to make a guy n a girl stay just friends or purely close friends...

Some of u might disagree with me cause i know some of my friends really do have opposite sex as best friend n purely platonic...but pls think my dear friends, ur so called opposite sex friend, they never liked u before? or u never liked them before? I dont believe! I believe there must be some story going on between u guys before u guys actually turn best friends right? Probably ur this so called best friend was ur ex...lol...thats y they can be ur best friend...cause they knew u too well!

This issue is in my thought because my so called ex is going after my good gal friend here...n when i think back, last time..when my ex n i had a problem..he would go to this girl who he claim as somebody he can talk to the closest n ask for advise about his relationship problem with me...n the weird thing is that, i also went to her with my problems with him...so she is kinda like our middleman..trying to make things solve between us...i used to kinda hate my ex talking to her so much of our problems because im a firm believer that a couple's problem should only remain between us n not any outsiders...but he claim that he needed someone to talk to n he feels comfortable talking to her as they both click well (n he somemore say he will never like her!).....so watever...i dun wanna care so much as she is a very good friend of mine...n i of cuz trust her...but once my ex said that, i knew one day both of them will end up being together...n yeah, now he's going after her..saying that he feels very comfortable talking to her, he feels he click well with her..n after spending so much time with her, he realise he has fallen for her...wateverrr....i just told him that...see! i told u that u would one day fall for her...but i didnt mind..as me n my ex is over..n i knew we would never reconcile..So, for him having such a nice girl in his life, i honestly feel happy for him...at least its better than him going after some bitches that i hate...hehe....

Well, she is really nice...come on, she even asked me if its ok if she decide to be with my ex...how many bitches would even ask u that! So, yeah..i know its good..they both kinda look cute together too...hehe...Alright..thats it i guess...i was just wondering can opposite sexes can actually have platonic relationship? Enligthen me! Let me know what u people think out there..or just think among yourselves...but i still find it hard to believe that...im still looking for a guy friend that i can actually have platonic relationship n not having any dirty thoughts or any other stories with him...lol...i hope my thinking is wrong..but so far my thinking is still true though... :P

Wonders of Relationship

Its amazing how someone u love so much can break your heart but u still love them with every broken pieces...its so true...

i happen to encounter this for 4 years...after 4 and half years, then it finally came to his senses...nah..i think i encounter this a few times...i have always love my the other half for real...thats y when they break my heart, i still love my the other half...but will feel so hurt to the point that my heart felt like its being stabbed a million times...sighh...

Its funny to see how relationships goes...U love someone but someone dont love u back orSomeone loves u but u dun love them orBad timing...when u love ur the other half, ur the other half dont appreciate u and dont loves u as much as u do to him...but when u no longer loves him anymore(because u have waited long enough for him to love u back, n u have given up), then the other half (suddenly its brain's lights lit up n realise u're the one) loves u back much much more than before..but then its too late...or..someone people involve in love triangle..either 2 guys n a girl or 2 girls n a guy...

All these above, i myself have experience it...But then still, i dont really understand love at all...i mean, yeah..i guess loads of ppl in this world dont understand how love goes...but..ppl like me..i mean me..i've gone tru all stupid relationships, pathetic ones, pity ones, one sided ones...but i do notice one thing for sure..people tend to like to drag on relationships when they know its hard to work anymore...i do...i always do..n this is because im really soft hearted when it comes to dealing my the other half...I knew its dead end, but i still go for it...i dont know why....i knew it will never last, but i still go for it...I knew he still loves his ex n he dun really loves me..but i still go for it...sigghh...i wonder why...is it because im afraid of loneliness? or afraid of losing the comfort that i already had with my the other half..? I dont know...My mum always told me not to get too involve with guys..she asked me to look around first, shop around for a very potential rich husband...i was like "huh? wtf?"...My mum stresses that money is very important...n she starts the crap about "oh u know, if u lose ur husband next time bcos of infidelity, u still have his money..at least! or else..u wanna go headache with poor husband n when he cheats on u, u get nothing?" Well, i know wat she said is true...but...i never agree on only looking for rich husbands...wat for? So that he can control ur financial decisions? That is no way for me..im the type that prefers to make my own money n spend my own without depending on my husband!..ok..i think i've gone abit out of topic here...

anyways, my mum warns me about not getting involve into relationships abit too late...when she warns me, i was like in college..too late mum...i started dating at quite a young age...i've been attached since then till now...so, im afraid of being lonely...i knew wat my mum says is true..bcos whenever im in relationships, there's lots of problems that will occur...jealousy, dishonesty, stupid bf still loves the ex..(i hate this especially!!), communication problems, distance, timing and etc...All these literally makes me crazy each time i encounter it...I'll think n think n think until i suffer insomnia...depression n sh*t...damn...I totally believe karma in relationships...man....karma works wonders!

Thats y they say..never treat ur current the other half bad, if u do...ur future the other half will treat u bad...i've gone tru this cycle miraculously...u know example like...i got a shitty 1st bf who treats me like shiit...then my second one came, a nice guy but i treated him like shit..3rd one came,gave me 4 hell years, 4th came a nice guy but i did not know how to appreciate him..so i lost him..5th came with karma...wow..u see..karma....which makes me wonder..my 6th, will he be a nice one? LOL...actually, im really tired of relationships already...i really hope to find someone to be stable n hopefully spend the rest of my life with...i wanna get married by the age 27!! Not much time left!!

anyways....next topic...I noticed (tru my little experience) that there is only two different categories of guys..

1) A nice soft hearted guy that can never screw u that much even though how of a bitch u r to him...these r the ones that i always get over board with..cause u know they dont control girls that much...n when guys dont control girls, girls tend to get too much n too bitchy at times...Dont tell me its not true..i know its true..thats y i nvr really agree guys spoiling girls honestly..cause girls dun seem to know how to appreciate guys like that...

2) A guy with high level of ego and machoism...never wanna admit he's wrong, always thinks he's the smartest n the best...n damn, they have a very high confidence level and smartass in lying...These kind of guys..girls like me, i usually give in alot more...cause they r those "dont f*** with me" kinda guy...but i usually learn more things from ppl like that..either its all load of bullshit or the truth...but guys like that always gives me headaches...but u'll learn alot bout guys' stupid behaviour, lies n tactics to get away from gf from this category...Knowing how to deal with this category, u'll know how to deal with the rest...hehehee...i sound like im a love pro..Im no pro..but its because my longest relationship i have is with a guy from this category..i learn hell alot from him...so i know...so, similiar ppl that comes along...i'll know when they're bullshiting...and i usually like to act dumb n stupid in front of ppl that is from this category..cause when they thought im dumb n stupid, they dont have to think hard or more complicated lies to lie to me...n its easier to bust ppl like that...well, i aint stupid..i know when u're lying dude...hehee...

I guess i've talk too much now...this posting is just general...nothing really personal or wat..i guess...ppl who knows me well will know wat im talking about...to people who dont know me, but still keep reading till the end...u must have loads of time on ur hand huh..or u either have the biggest antenna thats y u need to finish reading? hahahaa...n to my past, present n future the other half...u wanna read, just read n shut the f*** up...dont ask..i wont answer...LOL