Saturday, November 24, 2007

Sighh...

Like i said before... I have the world's best bf... bf of the year...

When his mum needs him, he's always there to comfort her...
When his friends needs him, he's always there for them...
When his friends has break up problems, he's always there to confort them..
He said he has work stress, i try not to disturb him or call him that often or always try to be nice, be understanding or act cute to cheer him up...
He said he's stress with family stuff, he needs to go out n relax, I totally understand that cause when i have stresses that is caused by my parents, i seriously need to go out n release some stress...
He'll go up north, south, east or west to whoever that needs his comfort... I sulk it all up n lets him be.. cause i know he is always more relax n happier when he is with his group of friends...

Whenever i go to KL to see him, he still has to comfort whoever friends that needs him... always have to comfort n always be the "friend in need is a friend indeed".... Yet i still accompany him do all that even though i know i got so little time spent with him only... I MEAN 2 of us only... but most of the time, we spend our time with either his friends or his family...

He dont really like my group of friends, fine... i adapt myself to like his friends which his friends r really total nice cool friends... at least i try to adapt with his friends....

BUT...

Where is he when im lonely...?

Where is he when i really needed him?

Where is he when i miss him so much?

Where is he when im crying at night missing him?

Where is he when i need him the most?

Where is he when i ask him to at least try to come back at least abit ealier so that we can skype since i cannot see him physically n miss so damn much since we are freaking apart?

Where is he when i ask him to at least try to come to pg n see me just for once in a while..?

Did he try to adapt with my friends?

How many times have i purposely travelled to kl alone taking 5 hours freaking bus and thats 10 hours including return just to see him cause i miss him and wants to see him badly?

How many times has he travelled to pg alone just because he miss me n wants to see me?

He is always with friends... His friends are always more important than me...

Which i can totally understand why.. cause he knows them way longer than me... He will not in anyway sacrifice his friends for me... Which i had sacrifice my friends for him until my friend said "Dont always bf here n there now, when suddenly no bf, come back to us pulak".. Which wat my friend said is true... so true.... But then of course, i will never expect him to sacrifice his friends for me cause i knows it will be very selfish of me to ask him to do that... i know friends r always more important than girlfriends or boyfriends... cause girlfriends n boyfriends can be replaced...

All he knows is to always say sorry n keep on apologizing when he always breaks his promises... Breaks the same promises over n over again... Which i forgave him over n over again... Why? Cause i love him... cause i understand that he is now leading a stressful life which i have to be more understanding as a gf... Where else, maybe he doesnt know that i have my own stresses n problems as well? Maybe to him my kinda of stress is not as stressful as his? Maybe he doesnt know i can handle stress n keep my sad feelings away when im in front of him...?

I know he loves me... I know he really loves me... but to me, maybe he just doesnt seem to know how to prioritize his things? or Maybe to him, he thinks he has prioritize it well? I dont know... He is always so sweet, lovey dovey when im with him... he gives me all i want when we r together... How can he not love me like that? Trust me, he does the sweetest things that no one can ever imagine... I know he does love me... but its just that when we r apart like this, i feel the most miserable, i feel the most left out person in his life when we r apart...

Like now, since he is so stress with everything...

Whenever i need to call him, i have to think twice...

Whenever i wanna ask him to stay longer n chat with me, i have to think twice..

Whenever he is out with his friends to de-stress, i dare not call him...

Whenever he is with his parents, i dare not call him cause he might be in some talk...

Whenever he is working, i will have to think twice...

I dare not start to pick a fight these days cause i know he is very stressful... and all his friends his breaking up n i dont want to end up like them...

All because of his stress... his STRESSFUL LIFE!

All i do is think of him... try to be more understanding... yeah yeah.. maybe to him im not understanding enough... but HEY! IM ALREADY TRYING BLARDY HARD CONSIDERING MY BLARDY ATTITUDE!!!

Well, i guess i dont have a stress that he should care... cause yeah, his stress level his way up higher than mine... but its true, his stress level is really high!!!

When i told him about my stress n problems... all i get is.. yeah yeah... urrmm... ok... cause its true, maybe my stress is not as close as his!...

Maybe he doesnt know how pressured i am to be in my current job just to make my parents happy when i am so damn not! Maybe he thinks im just saying it....

Oh, i dont have family problems... my family problems aint as big as his... cause i have been having the same family prob for as long as i could remember, is just that i know how to handle it and chuck it away when its not necessary to think about it...

Oh, i dont have study poblems cause i always seem tidak apa to many people... But when i was really studying, have u all actually seen it??? When i was freaking out n shit, have u all seen it? To many people who have "seen" the way i study, they think i deserve to be freaked out like that cause they think i always do things last minute... but when i was serious, do u all know??

I bet u all dont know... i dont need people to go sad n stress along with me ... i prefer to chuck all my miserable feelings away so that people around me dont feel miserable... Dont i always look so happy n normal even though some of you might know im sad inside...???

i guess michelle always gets that... one moment she'll see me arguing with bf like mad... She'll be so scared ofme like im gonna eat her like that... but another moment i'll turn to her.. "so, yeah..lets continue wat we talked just now... how to do question 5 arr?"... True right michelle? Heheheheee....

Thats y i have a blog to vent my sadness n anger... and i always feel much better after typing it all out... like now... i was crying at the beginning of this typing session... now i've stopped crying...

Well, thats me... So, now u know!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Just Blabbing...

Hey Peeps!!

Im in the office now... so bored nothing to do so just thought of bloggng to update you all what have i been doing... Exams are finally over eh michelle... Good for you guys... To June, Sarah, Michelle, Nick.. who ever that is gonna graduate end of this year, Happy Graduating ya! What matters is you get to graduate and dont complain about not getting honours nor distinctions all the way... dont be greedy la! hehehee... I hope to see you all again? I will definately go to Adelaide again on Aug 2008... I miss Adelaide so very freaking much!! I love my life in Adelaide so freaking much! All the freedom, all the stress free moments...of course, except exam periods... but the rest of the time are all free n easy man! Nice damn cold weather.. No parents nagging when you go out, come back, when u sleep late or wake up late... and not forgetting, im loved every single day by seeing my baby every single day there... SO FUN!! In Malaysia, i have to work... hot freaking weather, parents nagging, worry about having no money... soooo apart from my baby... haihhh....

My job has been fine.. except that i have been always going to work late! Im still so not used to waking up early... But thennnnn... as soon as i reach office, i work like hell.. finish off all my work in an instance ok! Im not lazy in office k! I love my job, surprisingly... Someone was betting with me that i couldnt last my current job till end of this year December (He said i will quit by then)... and at this rate, Im winning! hehehee... I dont have the signs of getting fired yet and i dont hate my job la.. ^__^ unfortunately, the pay is just so damn LOW!

I have been blardy sick these days... having flu.. sore throat and cough like im going to die or like having TB.. I hate cough man!! Im also having love sick! hehehee... im always feeling down and moodless each time i come back from KL, its like im having love withdrawal syndrome... It sucks wei... Cause im all lonely again, no one to hold hands with... no one to accompany me eat lunch , dinner and supper... No love recieving... sighhh... I wont be able to have the happy lovey feeling again for another month! one whole month!! Sucks wei!!

Oh, i redye my hair again.. its the same red cum pink, purplish color as before.. I redyed cause my color all turned brown adi... So yeah... I did it in KL for RM240... wash, cut, and dye... Quite cheap la hor...

What else am i missing? I think thats all huh... Im wishing sometimes my life is way more happening than this... Im so bored in Penang.. Go to work, work til 8pm.. go for dinner, go back home online.. then sleep... As for weekends on Saturday, i still have to work on Saturdays which i usualy end up staying at office until 5 something pm.. I am willing to stay until this late cause i have no where to go even if i go home at 1pm!.. So i usually stay till 5 something... go home, online, eat dinner, sometimes go mamaking with friends then go back home... and Sundays are the best, I just sleep the whole day till 7pm on Sundays... Wake up just on time for dinner then online... then sleep again for Monday... This is how i spend my week! So freaking bored... I guess this is just life of a single woman...

Thats all for now... nothing to blab adi.. office going to close.. gonna go home now... Will go watch movie with mel later.. wednesday - cheap movie nights.. Hehehee... See ya... BYE!!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Wee Morning...

What time is it now? 4.05am! and i am not asleep yet! I am still wide awake.. my eyes are still as big as goldfish! How am i going to work in the morning ha???? Sure go "fishing" again at work!!

I just came back from KL today... How was it? Not as fun as previous trip... Had arguments n shit... So yeah... But of cuz, everything else is still nice.. feeling loved and all is a good thing...

I dont understand why i cant sleep now... Maybe i really do have something on my mind... Not only something.. but many things... Im now feeling confused, depressed, angry, sad, and sick (sick bcos of my damn flu, ANNOYING!!!) all together! Its a shitty feeling u know...

Sighh... I have never had this feeling for a long time... ever since early last year when my relationship with my the other half was hitting so rock bottom that i tot, thats it... No more! But i managed to survived with him till today... and i feel that i have loved him more n more each day... and he has definitely love me more n more everyday... (i think?) Everything now is all so sweet n lovey dovey with him... Its like im on a long term honeymoon.... He gives me whatever i want... He will do all his might to make me happy... He is that nice... He always tells me, "As long as you are happy, I am happy too!"... Therefore, I just realised that i had been so happy ever since our ralationship got stable mid last year till now... Wow, record breaking man...Its record breaking because i was a very sad n negative woman before i met him...

Then now, i suddenly have this weird feeling... so confused, depressed, angry and sad... i dont know why... Maybe because of that something? Maybe?? Maybe not... Sighh... But i guess the main reason is that i have been thinking too much.... and things that have been happening to my friends around me affected me....

This feeling feels like deja vu... I hate this feeling... It feels like something bad is going to happen.... sighhh... Cant i just stay happy forever? HUMANS ARE FREAKING TROUBLESOME!!!

Sighh.. Im so messed up... Now im even sobbing for no apparent reason....

Haih, Jane Jane... Quit thinking lots of nonsense can??? *slaps myself*

My gawd, why am i feeling this SAD??? This feeling sucks!

p.s: Sorry for this... i just need somewhere to whine..

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Recharge Revelation Party in A-Famosa Malacca!!

Yupp... the title says it all... this entry is about the rave party i went last week in Malacca...



It was so much fun i tell you... i never had such fun in a very long time... ever since last year when i was in Adelaide... ever since all my friends whom i knew in Adelaide came back to Malaysia... therefore, this trip definitely reminds me of my fun days in Adelaide...


As you can see... there were 5 cars all together... 4 Honda's and 1 Brabus! 18 of us all together! Damn happening k! This group lots of fun man! All of us in Yello!


Everyone was so cheerful.. excited.. happy...

We have our theme... We have arranged with eachother to wear yellow top on the way to Malacca... All white at night during the rave party... and blue top for the next day to depart to Malacca town! So cute ehh...

After much posing n photo taking like mad... like we have never taken any photos before, we finally checked into our bungalow... Yeah, we rent a bungalow which i think cost around RM700 for a night! But then the bungalow comes with a small swimming pool, 4 rooms with double bed size and 2 toilets... Which is sufficient for 18 of us to stay in it! ehehhee... We divided it by 2 rooms with 4 people and 2 rooms with 5 people...

After checking in the bungalow, we chilled in the bungalow for a while... talk, crap, change and taking more pictures in the bungalow (which i dont have the pic here).. We headed off to the Revelation Party for a day time sneek peek... So see how is it like during the day compare to the night...


Us walking towards to the main entrance... Hmm... not much people huh...

I took some pics of some of the arena...


Looks like its gonna be happening in the night... But look at the muddy floor!! Dieness la!! My pretty shoe gonna be ruined!!


Another arena called Electric Freedom, i think...

I walked around... then, i spotted this!!!


Foam Bar! Muahahahahaaa!!!!


Loads of Foam!!

We definitely had loads of fun in there! taking loads of pictures... and some MTV VJ ke or V channel.. i dont know... He was there.. doing some shoot.. Sorry i dont know the Vj's name.. but he is quite good looking n cute though! My group of friends were in the shoot as well... At first i did not want to go in the foam cause it'll make my shoe wet as i only brought one pair of shoe!! But what the heck, i went in at the end anyways...


Me and the girls...


I just love this photo of the guys... looks so naturally happy!


The whole group!!!


and of cuz, me n my baby!! This is like the nicest, sweetest photo i could take for the whole duration in Malacca... ;P (yea, i edited this pic to make it look so beauty!!)


Then i came out looking like im wearing bubble boots.... hehehee....

After much foaming around...(i hope there's such word as foaming! ^__^).. We walked around alittle bit more then we decided to head back to the bungalow for a dip in the pool! We took the shuttle back to our bungalow as we decided to only come back for the car later tonight...


The shuttle...

We reached the bungalow n straight away change into our bikinis for a dip in the pool!

I love my water proof make-up! Muahahaaa.... i got mascara on also k!

After much playing n dipping in the pool, we all got so hungry! We had a little steamboat in the bungalow for dinner... all food brought by my friends... But of cuz, we shared the cost... After the dinner, we girls starts to make up for the night... guys starting to do their hair... with all sorts of style... But of cuz, the girls took damn long to get ready man! they took damn long its because Sue Ann is the make-up artist for most of the girls there... So yeah, it took some time... of cuz, i did my own make up ler...


This pic of me n baby is taken while waiting for the rest of the girls to get ready... Baby's hair all done up.. (done by Andy!) soooo good looking... hhehehe...

After like 3 hours, we r finally ready!

Then we took the shuttle again back to the venue... All of us in white!



This time... the entrance is....


look at the people there man! Massive!!

Here are some of the pictures of some of the arenas at night... look at the difference compare to day time...


The roller blading arena...


Alot of people man...


Colorful right... hehehee...



Of cuz, we took hell alot of pictures... Here are only some of them.. cause its hard to upload so many pics k....









Freaking muddy! My sports shoe got dirty like fuck.... So damn muddy k!


See!!!

Some people wore slippers there... and some people damn brainless k! Purposely *flip flop flip flop* the slippers then the mud went flying everywhere! Got on my legs... Alex kena the worse! His whole pants and shirt got splashed with mud! I was so damn pissed off!! I was there until about 2 something.. then i left with four of my friends to go look for food! We were so freaking hungry.. as it is hard to find food in A-famosa itself.. so we had to drive all the way to Malacca town to get food! (like 20mins away) We had McDonalds... heheee....

We ended our night at 4 something... finally sleep at 5am!

The next day, we woke up at around 12pm... I woke up 12pm! Get ready... bath, change, pack up... Then take more pictures...

All of us in Blue!!

The girls...


The guys...

Then we went off to Malacca town after checking out... I did not take pictures in Malacca town this time with them as Andy was taking loads of it... I got no the chance to ask the photos from Andy yet... So no pictures... Sorry... But of cuz, i had my favourite, bestest Cendol again!! Heheheee... Had chicken rice balls for lunch... u know, the usual stuff u will eat when u go Malacca ler... Then walked around Jonker street... Took many stupid retarded photos... then my baby n i have to go back to KL earlier than the rest of our friends as i have to catch a bus back to Penang on 9pm in KL... So yeah, the rest stayed on with more photo taking while i go back with baby...

Thats all for my adventure of the rave party.... Really man, i havent had so fun much in a long time... Hope to have more fun like these in the future! Hehehehee...

Take care peeps!!