Friday, April 18, 2008

Finally...

Dear Someone,

I finally understood why i am being so depressed, sad, mad, angry, miserable and useless lately....

My reasons of my messed up emotions are because i feel very dissatisfied... I feel dissatified because i was not given the chance to show that i am capable of loving you full heartedly...

Yes, i know i was a total bitch last time to u... especially my very messed up mood swings... I have tried to change and i believe i have changed alot over the past years... I have already tried my best not to be a total bitch.... yes, and i know that u had been very patient with me...

When u first started working, i know i was not understanding enough that u r actually very damn busy n stressed over your work and i bugged u alot... But u have to understand my side as well... i was lonely... i was very lonely when u first started working... therefore, my bitchiness appeared... Then when i started working, i came to actually realised alot that working life is hard and i was really not understanding at all....

I slowly start to let go of u and try not to bug you that much anymore.... cause i finally understand the working life.... I have started to try to be an understanding person by leaving you alone... trusting every single word that u said... that u were really busy n stressed out over so many things.... U wanted me to leave u alone, so i did....

I was so scared to even call u when i really misses u cause i was afraid that i might disturb u... I believe i have finally at my best behaviour n being so understanding on December last year... We were so perfectly sweet n happy when we went for our Christmas Holidays.... I really loved every single moment that i spent with u that time... It felt as if we were on our honeymoon... It was really one of the sweetest moment for me...

We started having problems just after a month after our sweet moments.... U said u r getting busier... so i left u alone more n more cause i was just trying to be understanding.... But we grew more n more apart bcos we seldom talk anymore... It came to a point that i was getting used to not talking to you... From more than 10 calls per day reduced to sometimes only 1 call per day...

And then one fine day.. while we were talking happily on the phone, u suddenly break the news to me that u needed a break... U said u r too tired... too tired of having relationships... too tired of having to worry about me... U said u r too stressed with ur life...

What i am not satisfied about is that.... u said u wanted space, i gave u space... U said u wanted me to be understanding, i tried to be understanding...

I have been waiting for more than a year for us to finally be near to each other.... In 2 weeks time, my dream will come true... i am finally near you... but you no longer want me to be near your.... It makes me feel all so pointless now.... It really feels that i have nothing to look forward to anymore when im finally near you in 2 weeks time... I feel so dissatisfied that u did not even want to try to give us a chance, wait for me to finally be near you and try all over again.... To try and see whether we could have the sweet time we used to have 2 years ago...

Im dissatisfied that u dont want to give our relationship a chance and one more try.... I am dissatisfied that u dont want to give me a chance to love you whole heartedly.... Even though, yes... its the fact that we both knew we both wouldnt have any good endings.... but still... We will not know whether wat we both believe is true until the time tells us.... I believe time will tell us everything... Time will help us make our decision... Time will determine our fate.... Time will tell our fate n future....

Anyways, i think its bullshit if u said u really have no more feelings on me... Cause it was just 3 months ago we were still very much in love and very sweet with each other....We've been together for the past few years... We went through alot together... i dont believe it only takes u less than 3 months to have no more feelings on me.... The only thing / way that can make u have totally no more feelings on me is that u already have your feelings on someone else.... Thats the only way... cause ur all attention is diverted to another person, thats y u have no more feelings on me... U said u dont have.... i hope to trust you... but my gut feeling doesnt believe that.... since u said u gave no more feelings, I will only interpret "No more feelings = I have feelings for another"...... But please dont ever let me find out that you have betrayed my trust... cause i really totally trusted u before...

Anyways again, i dont think u read my blog anymore but its ok, im blogging it for myself....

May God bless you in everything that you do... please do take care of yourself... work hard... dont fag alot n gamble alot adi k.... Really not good for you...

I will try to move on... Like i said, if we r fated... Im sure our paths will cross again.... But i still and will miss you every single day here for a very long time still.... and i believe i will be worse when im finally near you next month.... I will feel so miserable n pointless being there.... sigghhh......

Anyways, thanks for the wonderful years we've been together... thanks for the wonderful experience being with you... thanks for teaching me many wonderful stuff... Thanks for being so sweet to me all these years... You are definately the sweetest person i've known...

Thank you very much.....

*sob* *sob*

5 comments:

Michelle said...

Sorry to hear about this news girl! Be strong and cheer up ya, life isn't only filled with relationship! Sunshine will always come after the rain! Take good care of urself! Hugs...

seng boon said...

sorry to hear about this... chat to you soon on MSN ok

Regurgitator said...

10 calls per day? thats sick.
when a guy says he has no more feelings, means that the love no more exists. it doesn't have to be a 3rd party invovled. he is just tired, and the love drifted away. he needs to be alone. he doesnt need anyone. yes he might be grateful to what you guys had before. but its all in history. once its gone its gone.
girls tend to be insecured, and eventually evolve to control freaks. learn from the lesson and you will know what to do.

princessladyjane said...

what do u mean by that's sick? we both enjoyed talking to each other. We called each other.. not only me who calls... Whether im a control freak or not, i know it myself... i know what went wrong in this relationship, so i dont need u to tell me that watever fucking shit is sick... U dont understand the whole situation of the relationship between me n him, so dont simply make assumptions... Only me n him knows wat really went wrong in this relationship... People that simply make assumptions are idiots...
Yes, i can agree with u that 3rd party might not be involved here. But do u understand him more or do i understand him more??? Do u actually understand this situation more than me???

What a complete idiot... Please think properly before leaving idiotic comments...

Regurgitator said...

nah, u dont get me.
i've seen too many love puppies. they thought keeping track of each other frequently is the best way to show how lovey dovey they are. in fact it's not healthy at all for a relationship it will only bring jeopardy to it. in the end one of you will get daunted and will feel like quitting.
yes i may not understand the situation better than you do, but if you do understand him, how come you were bewildered by the breakup? you actually failed to read his mind. you didnt even know why eventually it led to an end. sometimes when we are in a relatinonship, we are the one who doesnt understand the situation the most, ironically.
maybe you stand for chances for a reunion. if you do, try your best to understand him, as a man. males seemed to be unpredictable. but once you have the ideas, you are on the track.
thanks for the atrocious lash-outs. hope those were not idiotic comments.