Thursday, July 10, 2008

Procrastination

Sighh....

Im feeling bluee again...

I just realised my birthday is coming in less than a month time...

My daddy asked me what i wanna do on my birthday... when he asked me that, it stunned me for awhile... cause first of all..

1) i did not realised its that near...

2) i dont know what to do on my big day

3) i have no mood to do anything

4) im broke

5) most of all... OH MY FARKING GAWDDDDD... ITS 08-08-08 ALREADY!!!!

This freaking 08-08-08 date, i have been waiting for it to come ever since like... urmmm... when i was 8 years old! I have been a lucky girl that my parents celebrated my birthday for me every single year without fail (except when i was in aust of cuz)... I get to take studio pictures and birthday cake n did it grandly ever since my first birthday till 8 years old... then 9 years old onwards, i get to celebrate in nice restaurants, nice birthday cake...until my 21st birthday, i get to do catering at home, invited loads of ppl... and fuhh, i tell u... my 21st birthday cake was almost like a wedding cake k... but 2 layers only of cuz... lol...

ok, continue on from the story when i was 8 years old... (i had a number 8 shaped birthday cake on 8 years old btw.. ^_^) i knew how to count n i have waited for this 08-08-08 to arrive... and i always thought that 08-08-08 will be my grandest birthday ever... of cuz i had dreams like, save loads of money... have a wedding like birthday celebration for this 08-08-08 (u know, its like so grand until ppl thought its a wedding celebration, not a birthday celebration... LOL!)... until when i was 22, when i was with an ex, we planned our wedding to be held on 08-08-08... so yeah, i was suppose to get married on this 08-08-08 k... sighhh.... now all plans have changed... No wedding celebration, no grand birthday celebration, no birthday celebration... elek... nada nada.... sighh.... But of cuz, it was a happy childish thought of mine when i was young...

*maybe someone will come propose to me on my bday n we get married on that day itself then we'll have kids by 10-10-10... hehehee...* (this is wat i have been planning ever since a million years ago) *slaps self to wake up*

As i grew older, reality hits in that its not ever gonna happen that grand anymore girl... ish ish ish.... i feel like running back to penang on my bday n hide my misery.. thinking of it also feel like crying adi cuz no more grand celebration like what i had hoped ever since i was a little girl.. (im still childish i know.. so shut up already!)

But then again, no matter how grand it is made for me this year... i dont think i'll be as happy as i expect i will... sighh... u all will know why (if u have been reading my blog), I DONT WANNA REPEAT ANYMORE... im sick of repeating already....

Like i have said before (i think), i feel like im floating everyday.... Every single morning when the alarm rings, i procrastinate whether to go work... I keep on asking myself; y the fuck do i have to wake up so early n go to workkk...*mumbles* *mumbles* Then i have to remind myself every single fucking day... 'Jane, this is good for your future, this job gives u a secure future... *mumbles* mumbles* Remember all your plans?? You can make big money!! Jane your parents needs u!! Your parents put so much hope on you on getting the license!! *mumbles* mumbles* Imagine their disappointment if u never get the license! *then i start to imagine their disappointed faces* and then i finally drag my freaking lazy ass to the toilet n get ready for work... This happens every single day without fail, u know!!! I can die wei if im this freaking lazy! I wonder when will my workaholic gene from my dad will kick in (My dad is a freaking workaholic!!)... sighh.... Then i float to work... at office, work like crazy... always talk to myself... screw myself for being stupid... stress stress... throw tantrums at my office phone and office mouse... Work work.. Then when everybody goes back, i go back home... starts to float float back home... float to bath, online.. float at sleeping time.. float awake, next day float to work again...If i got events or places to go, i attend events... float float float float... i feel like im floating every freaking day... then poooffff.... its mid year already??? Wat the fuccckkkk???!!!! So fast???? I bet by the time i feel like im floating another 2 times or so... pooofff... end of the year and im counting down for a new year... dieness wei!! Im short of time already!!!!

Ok, nvm my mental retardedness....

Back to my birthday... what the hell should i do on my birthday?? Mummy... daddy.... r u gonna sponsor money for me to do my birthday grandly??? HEheheee... *in my dreams, it will nvr happen k*

Im weird this way.. for most people, they rather not ppl know its their birthday.. n women especially, they dont like ppl to know that they r getting older each year... As for me, i dont mind... i usually announce it to the world that its my birthday... and im usually so darn happy clappy on my birthday... *hmm.. wonder whether i should take leave just bcos its my bday? Lol!!!* *oh shit! havent buy a new dress for my birthday yet!!* (its a blardy tradition of mine to always wear nicely on my bday whether or not i do something on that day)

Anyways, my birthday wishlist is...

1) TO get a new camera with those wide angle lense n shit.. i think canon is a good camera right? Anyone here can recommend me any good camera with loads of function (but me very likey the ones with wide angle, can take clear pictures at dark places and very very anti shake eventhough without flash) n affordable? rm1300 n below please... *actually i wan my parents to buy me this* Heheheeee....

2) Handphones... a Sony Ericsson X1 and the Sony Ericssion W760i

3)Change my outlook... i wanna start looking decent... wanna start looking like Bree from the Desperate Housewives series... So i guess i need to buy more decent dresses, very nice corporate looking working clothes, n of cuz start to behave more womanly already... sighh... *those who want to buy me bday presents, feel free to buy me shopping vouchers so that i can go shop for nice dresses, clothing, n shoes..* hehehee...

4) I wanna buy those inspirational success book... u know like those famous ppl like robert kyosaki n stuff... anyone know any good inspirational success book? I dont want robert kyosaki adi la.. i think he is too over rated... i wan some inspirational book that when i read it, i will be will very inspired to be successful n work harder towards success those kind... suggestions?

Daddy... i wan a new camera... Mummy... i wan a new handphone... ehheeee.... Yes, my parents loves me... im only asking, doesnt mean i'll get it... If any of you would like to say that im a spoilt bitch, go ahead... Those who thinks that im a spoilt bitch just because a parents' love towards their children can go fuck yourself.... this is my blessing for having such capable parents... somemore my pay is miserably low, i cannot afford any extra shit for myself except to feed myself just enough every month...

5) Wish to be able to fall in love by end of this year... n have a steady relationship so that i have things to look forward to... u know, like a future together or something...

shit come to think of it, my new year's resolution all damn fail la... Its mid year already and i still depend on my parents... im still fat... me bday celebration not a big one... me n my bf broke up already... sighh.... but i think im a better daughter now isnt it daddy? ^___________^ But i believe they still worry about me alot... i guess parents will never stop worrying about their kids until the end wan... so, nvm...

Bah... its late... have to sleep now.. or else, am so gonna procrastinate again to work tomolo morning... sien man.... So yeah, any suggestions on wat to do on my bday.. n ohh.. most important suggestion is what camera is good to buy... I know most of my bloggers friend will know which camera is better right??? ahahha.... lalalalaa....

p.s: thanks for the lovely comment for my previous entry... especially to Ren n Stephy... How can i ever vent my anger towards u guys la.. u guys have been so nice to me.. n i really sayang u all wan.. i can nvr have the heart to do so la... :D :D :D And trust me, u all dont wanna see my ugly bitchy crazy side... LOL...!!!

muaccckksss... love you all as usual...

*im happy already suddenly* im crazy... i know...

3 comments:

Ren said...

wth...
y so many ppl birthday @ august?

Jane a Jane
mine is 0608 :P

my whole family got 6 members together...
but 3 of them is already Leo...
my dad, my sis n me =..=

n we LEO always pride ourselves high
so i kinda know how ur personal too
coz i kinda same
wahahaha
too bad i over US leh, else we can celebrate together!!!

Simon Seow said...

So you're a Leo too. I'm a Leo too. August 17th.

Elvin said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F87yvlDWzUs