Monday, November 24, 2008

This Thing Called Love....

I have been wondering... what is this thing called love that always never seem to stop making me feel miserable?

As hard as i would like to be strong and be tough bout it... I will somehow go emoish and sad about it...

I am a very indecisive person... I dont even know what i want from this thing called love...

Every single new relationship i have, i thought i have found love... But apparently, after everything ends, i realise it wasnt love at all...

I keep on thinking... Why can some other girls be so contented by just marrying someone they love but have no goals in life to achieve? Do they really feel so contented by just marrying someone who earns less than 5 figures a month and they themselves only earm RM3k per month? How can people like them feel contented?

As much as i love those fairy tale love stories... As much as i would like to be able to find someone i love in a very fated way, i dont think i will feel contented living life that always have to watch my budget so tightly...

To me the world today is very realistic.. Love does not work just by love anymore... I feel, in order to make love work... everything else have to work... Like trust, commitment, financially and the social circle...

I have a friend who is recently registered... In fact i already have quite alot of girls friends who is married already.... They all seem to be so contented by just marrying someone n be a housewife... I dont think i can do that..

I have heard many stories how so n so got marry to so n so... Some of those women even resorted to getting pregnant on purpose so that they can make their bf stay n got married to her... Sigghh... I simply pity girls like that and to be honest, i really look down on girls like that... Destroying your life just to make someone that dont love you anymore to be stuck on to you... Im not saying that having a baby means destroying life... Im just saying its so not worth it to do so...

Some even purposely find a rich bf... then purposely pregnant so that they can fulfill their dreams of marrying a rich husband.... Sigghh....

Whatever happens to girl power? What ever happens to girls are able to take care of themselves... Whatever happens to gender equality? Ok, strength wise, we girls can never win guys... But making money wise, we can always fight for it... Do we really need to depend on husband to feed us? Do we really need rich husbands so that we dont have to work anymore? This sounds more of like a damn useless woman to me...

Oh, n dont start flaming that im jealous cause i cant find rich bfs... =_=""" Those of you who knows me well enough would know why i dont necessarily need a rich bfs...

Im just saying, its not wrong to have a rich husband to spoil u for this n that... but its just so wrong to totally depend on them? Ever think of future wise if ur marriage went wrong? You cant divorce cause u got too dependent on them... They will step on you upside down cause they can control you with their money... Come on man... Your financial have been control by your parents when u were little until u finish studies.. then when u get married, takan u wan ur husband to step on you with his money forever?

Aiya.. change topic...

Why would a girl let herself down by being in a relationship that sounds so wrong? Im in this category all the time... When i first started a relationship with someone, i know it feels wrong... i know there is no future together... but i still bloody hell love to digg the hell hole n went into it... sighhh... Then end up feeling like shit... I always end up with someone that i know i have no ending with.. but i still love that person very much regardless...

But i do have friends or guys friends which i think we both are very matching in career wise, thoughts, opinions and goals in life... But i never seem to be able to have the love feeling towards them.. cause thats probably we've been friends too long... So we end up being best friends... My close guys friends are very compatible with me in thinking wise, but i have no feelings at all towards them...

My love life havent been perfect though...

Bf One - I thought i could spend the rest of my life with him... even all fortune tellers and our horoscopes are very matching... He taught me alot... We might have even got married this year... But the problem is that, he likes to lie... Just have to lie for no reason... And he is not making enough for me to feel contented... And so not hard working at all..... very hot tempered... i had 5 hell years with him... full of traumatic experience of fucking mind games and temper... So i knew i have to get out soon enough to save myself..

another BF - He taught me how to loosen up... things dont have to be serious all the time... He never fail to cheer me up when i was down... He was younger than me.. i nvr did appreciate him at all cause i'll go crazy cause i was fucked up from previous relationship that i turned into someone very hot tempered.. But he loves me enough to be stuck with me for almost 2 years....

Then i stayed single for a while... along the way, i met people which i thought i could possibly have a relationship with... but they all ended up making me feel hurt... which i believe it is karma... im still serving my karma till today by the way....

Men 1 - He is so indesicove of wat he wants... he is torn between loving me or his ex gf of 7 years which is obvious cannot be saved anymore... Which he ended up choosing n being with another different girl who is a crazy freaky possesive woman... but he still loves her alot regardless...

Men 2 - We were very sweet together... i was happy being with him... we could click really well n talk really well with each other.. we were all sweet, honey n roses... just suddenly one fine day... he refuse to talk to me anymore.. Its like yesterday we were like i miss u, good night sweetie... muax muax... the next day, when i tried calling, he no longer pick up my phone... his excuse was a damn lame wan... which i dont buy the excuse he gives me n i still dont know what i did wrong till today...

Men 3 - He is the type of guy my parents would love for me to have... If we were to end up being together, i think n believe, we would have a very bright future building career together... Everything is fine about him.. except that sometimes he loves to talk really lame stuff... *swt* *swt* but unfortunately... He has a gf of 10 years... Logically thinking, common sense for normal people... people would rather him choose the 10 years gf than me, the girl he only known for 6 months... Even though i do like him... but i know for sure, there is no future together... As i know, he owe alot to his gf... His achievement in his life... all owed to his gf of 10 years that have helped him alot along the way... But what have i done for him? Seee... sigghh...

Im always in such sticky sad situation that will nvr work for me... sighhh... when will my "The One" appear in my life? I starting to lose hope that there is ever the one for me...

3 comments:

tanalan2 said...

Sigh..same situation here my dear. My first few also ended up no where. There was one case where I was going underground with this girl, whom happened to be my frens gf. But at that time , she was having problems with him and they broke up not long after. Things florished between us..but in the end she couldnt accept going out with a guy who happened to be her ex best friend :)-

My last r/ship really ruined my life. I devoted everything to her..I gave up many things for her and planned to get married this year. But still back to square one...

Sigh.......But no worries, days would be better. Throw away the past and look to the future :)- Cheers

Simon Seow said...

I don't mind to find a gf that is richer than me lol

dayemay said...

hi! first of all, i didn't know you had a blog, so i haven't been reading or giving you comments. but now that i've found out... ehheeheheheh... :)

reg finding true love, well, i think we should just appreciate everyone who cares, who comes our way. all of us have our stories... that have shaped us to be who we are. when you are content and happy with yourself, then you will surely find someone who can be content and happy with you too.

ok, don't want to write too long... turn into lecture pula! always keep hoping and keep loving, you'll see one day there will be someone who knows and appreciates all of you. :)