Monday, April 28, 2008

World Vision - Sponsoring a Child...

Short Update of my life: Im currently packing to move to KL... I got so many things to pack that i dont even know what to pack first! Dieness... But i will be in KL on 3rd May onwards!

As the title above... I did a good thing this year... I have finally achieve something that i have been wanting to do ever since i first saw their TV advertisement in Australia 3 years ago.... Yupp... Im proud to say... I finally did it... I sponsored a child through World Vision!



I applied to sponsor a child early this year... and i got my sponsored child last March... When i first saw my child's photo, i was like... "awwwww......so cute...". It felt like i just gave birth to my own baby k...


Let me give u a closer look................


She is soooo cuteeeee right??? Whether she's cute or not to you.... Just say she's cute... U have no choice! But i have been observing her picture.. and she gives me the impression of like a naughty little girl who doesnt like to talk or mingle with people much... (Her expression in the pic is like "WTF are u people doing taking my picture ha!") But she is still cute to me cause im sponsoring her.... LOL....

My baby is from Myanmar... She is 4 years old... yes, my baby is a she.... Her name is Than Than Maw... They say she is from Aung Myay Thar Zan Township / Mya Nandar which is in Mandalay Division in the central part of Myanmar (Situated north of Mandalay City). Like seriously... Can someone please tell me where is her town??? I tried looking through google earth... Maps n all nonsense... But i still cant find where exactly (or not even close to her town) is her freaking town!! Does it really exist???

Anyways, the World Vision sent me some booklet on what can i do to help my sponsored child and they told me i can even arrange to visit my sponsored child! Yay!! I will arrange it soon when im settled n stable in KL... I really want to personally see her! The booklet also tells me what to do n what not to do when sending gifts to my sponsored child or writing them letters... They said its not advisable to send big big lavish gifts for my sponsored child as it will cause envy among other children who is there with them.... The booklet also states that i should not give them my contact details directly in case they come asking for money or giving me trouble... Basically just do what you should la... (go blardy sponsor a child then u'll know the procedure... too damn lazy to explain here...)

Anyways, World Vision told me that my sponsored child will write an introductory letter to me but im told to be patient n wait for at least 3 months.... Like obviously i cant wait to get the first letter from her! :D

Last week... i recieved a letter from World Vision Myanmar!


You should really see the excitement of my face while opening the letter.... damn, i looked like an eager little girl opening Christmas presents... =__="

When i first open the letter, there are 2 pieces of paper.... One looked like this one below...



I was like damn.... I didnt know people in Myanmar writes like this.... I mean it all looked like semi-circles with tails n huge coma to me... How can they even recognise which alphabeth is which..... Then i went on reading the other paper which is of cuz im more familiar with! Its the translation into English! Great!


Of cuz, the letter is not written by my baby.... cause she is only 4 years old k.... So, the letter is written by her uncle on her behalf! Good enough i guess... I think u all can basically read the content of the letter right?? But i still wanna talk about her...

She apparently has a younger sister which her sister is apparently living with her mum and my baby living with her uncle... She has been living with her uncle ever since her dad passed away... I dont know why her dad passed away... But i was thinking of asking her uncle why her dad passed away... Should i even ask that?

After reading the letter, Ahh.... I know she loves football (So, she's abit tomboy)... and she would like to be a teacher when she grows up (Which i think that is just simply added in by her uncle).... And her uncle wrote... "I will try to be a good girl".... Which means she is actually not that good girl la! LOL.... This one line support my statement above regarding what i think about her.... Heheheee..... Nvm, i like naughty girls.... LOL....

Im now planning to write back to her... and of cuz buy her some gifts... But the requirement given by World Vision is that, i can only buy a gift that can fit into maximum an A4 size envelope... Dieness... What can i buy that is thattttt flat and useful to her huh? I was thinking of buying her stickers or coloring book... but what if she dont dont have color pencils? dieness... Buying her color pencils also no use.. if i were to buy color pencils, i will make sure i buy sharpener... then if i end up buying so many things, how can it fit into the A4 size envelope la... sighh... I really dont know how bad her situation is... really dont know what should i buy... Can someone help suggest something to me? Up till today, i still dont know what should i write as well... Maybe i should send one of my pretty picture to her... :D but im afraid the uncle might use it to jerk off.... LOL.... Ok, nvm me... I have loads of nonsense imaginations... Nah, i think i will send one of my decent photo to show her how i look like... and i will probably write something general about me but not too complicated to understand... But then again, do u think she actually cares since she is only 4 years old??? *swt* *swt* I dont think she even knows she is under a child sponsorship programme.... dieness....

So, whats my purpose of writing this for u all to read n see? I would like to encourage all of you to sponsor a child today! Its only RM50 per month! RM50 is actually not much k... Just think, u spend less RM50 per month but u r actually saving someone else's life... U made them lead a better life... and improve the quality of their life.... Isnt it so fulfilling to do such good deed? I nvr regret a cent at all while doing this... I always feel that im finally doing something good in my life for once.... and each time i recieve a letter from World Vision... i feel like my stresses are all gone... cause i know im changing someone's life to a better... Trust me... try sponsoring a child and see... U will definately get the same satisfaction as i do now.... heehheee....

Nope, im not promoting for World Vision... I just want to encourage people to sponsor a child... Since World Vision is like the most reliable organization around.... So y not go through World Vision and help a needy child right? Im very straight forward in this kind... If i want to do charity n donate money, i would prefer doing charity that has to do with kids.. Cause i totally agree that Kids/Children are our future... Just because they r born poor or broken family, it does not mean that they should not be given a chance to lead a normal life like other people do... They could be successful one day u know... I grew up with homeless boys.. cause i went to Salvation Army for church service when i was 9 till like 16 years old... and i still keep in touch with some of them up till today.... Those homeless boys in Salvation Army are all now grown up like me... and very sucessful too... some r even more successful than me... thats y i say children really should be given the chance to live like any normal kids... But to be honest, Im more willing to help needy children than u know...those old folks home, people with weird sickness like down syndrome, spastic... etc etc.... cause my thinking is that those people are going to die anyways... so y bother wasting money.... Yes yes i know... without those old folks there wont be us around today... But who in the first place would leave their parents in old folks home??? Blame those old folks that do not know how to teach their kids what love means... Or blame those old folks for not knowing how to teach n love their kids properly thats y when they r old, their own kids hate them enough to throw them into old folks home... Blame their kids for being useless... cause ur parents can take care of u for so many years and your siblings... and dont tell me, u cannot even take care of the only parents u have???? Then u really shouldnt be born at all....

I think i have been blabbering too much.... Just go ahead try sponsoring a child k... And u'll see the difference u will make.... :D

Ciao.....

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Something that reminds me of Sydney...

















Guess where is this??? It really felt nice to be there... nice to go dating there... :D

I seriously need a damn holiday!!! I need someone to go with!! I need someone with me nowwwww!!!! I want to be able to love once again.... I want someone full heartedly belong to me.... sighh..... sighh..... sighh.....

Friday, April 18, 2008

Finally...

Dear Someone,

I finally understood why i am being so depressed, sad, mad, angry, miserable and useless lately....

My reasons of my messed up emotions are because i feel very dissatisfied... I feel dissatified because i was not given the chance to show that i am capable of loving you full heartedly...

Yes, i know i was a total bitch last time to u... especially my very messed up mood swings... I have tried to change and i believe i have changed alot over the past years... I have already tried my best not to be a total bitch.... yes, and i know that u had been very patient with me...

When u first started working, i know i was not understanding enough that u r actually very damn busy n stressed over your work and i bugged u alot... But u have to understand my side as well... i was lonely... i was very lonely when u first started working... therefore, my bitchiness appeared... Then when i started working, i came to actually realised alot that working life is hard and i was really not understanding at all....

I slowly start to let go of u and try not to bug you that much anymore.... cause i finally understand the working life.... I have started to try to be an understanding person by leaving you alone... trusting every single word that u said... that u were really busy n stressed out over so many things.... U wanted me to leave u alone, so i did....

I was so scared to even call u when i really misses u cause i was afraid that i might disturb u... I believe i have finally at my best behaviour n being so understanding on December last year... We were so perfectly sweet n happy when we went for our Christmas Holidays.... I really loved every single moment that i spent with u that time... It felt as if we were on our honeymoon... It was really one of the sweetest moment for me...

We started having problems just after a month after our sweet moments.... U said u r getting busier... so i left u alone more n more cause i was just trying to be understanding.... But we grew more n more apart bcos we seldom talk anymore... It came to a point that i was getting used to not talking to you... From more than 10 calls per day reduced to sometimes only 1 call per day...

And then one fine day.. while we were talking happily on the phone, u suddenly break the news to me that u needed a break... U said u r too tired... too tired of having relationships... too tired of having to worry about me... U said u r too stressed with ur life...

What i am not satisfied about is that.... u said u wanted space, i gave u space... U said u wanted me to be understanding, i tried to be understanding...

I have been waiting for more than a year for us to finally be near to each other.... In 2 weeks time, my dream will come true... i am finally near you... but you no longer want me to be near your.... It makes me feel all so pointless now.... It really feels that i have nothing to look forward to anymore when im finally near you in 2 weeks time... I feel so dissatisfied that u did not even want to try to give us a chance, wait for me to finally be near you and try all over again.... To try and see whether we could have the sweet time we used to have 2 years ago...

Im dissatisfied that u dont want to give our relationship a chance and one more try.... I am dissatisfied that u dont want to give me a chance to love you whole heartedly.... Even though, yes... its the fact that we both knew we both wouldnt have any good endings.... but still... We will not know whether wat we both believe is true until the time tells us.... I believe time will tell us everything... Time will help us make our decision... Time will determine our fate.... Time will tell our fate n future....

Anyways, i think its bullshit if u said u really have no more feelings on me... Cause it was just 3 months ago we were still very much in love and very sweet with each other....We've been together for the past few years... We went through alot together... i dont believe it only takes u less than 3 months to have no more feelings on me.... The only thing / way that can make u have totally no more feelings on me is that u already have your feelings on someone else.... Thats the only way... cause ur all attention is diverted to another person, thats y u have no more feelings on me... U said u dont have.... i hope to trust you... but my gut feeling doesnt believe that.... since u said u gave no more feelings, I will only interpret "No more feelings = I have feelings for another"...... But please dont ever let me find out that you have betrayed my trust... cause i really totally trusted u before...

Anyways again, i dont think u read my blog anymore but its ok, im blogging it for myself....

May God bless you in everything that you do... please do take care of yourself... work hard... dont fag alot n gamble alot adi k.... Really not good for you...

I will try to move on... Like i said, if we r fated... Im sure our paths will cross again.... But i still and will miss you every single day here for a very long time still.... and i believe i will be worse when im finally near you next month.... I will feel so miserable n pointless being there.... sigghhh......

Anyways, thanks for the wonderful years we've been together... thanks for the wonderful experience being with you... thanks for teaching me many wonderful stuff... Thanks for being so sweet to me all these years... You are definately the sweetest person i've known...

Thank you very much.....

*sob* *sob*

Monday, April 14, 2008

Resignation...

I tendered my resignation to my boss today....

I felt so heavy hearted n nervous while bringing him the letter....

But i knew i had to give it today no matter what cause i was planning to give him last friday.. but i chicken out last minute.... n i wanted to give him on Saturday as well... but chicken out again... How i had the courage to finally give it to him? I tot to myself... giving my resignation letter to him is not a big deal at all if i were to compare to the problems i have now...

I feel so sad la.... They r like the best bosses.... They spoilt me so much.... They let me go to work anytime i like and go home anytime i like... of cuz, just as long as i perform in my work la... They always assign me good, expensive n important cases to do... Which in actual fact, a new person like me wouldnt have the chance to do those at all... They r always ever so patient with me... teach me stuff full heartedly n they really takes care of me...

Even though this job is my first real job as my career path, i definately think that these bosses i have now in my current working place is the best n the coolest of all... I dont think there r other bosses who can joke as much as them... They always like to tease me things like... "Eh, tomolo morning u want to go see a big nice bungalow with the boss of ABC? But at 10am worr... Can u wake up or not???" Then i would go... "errrr....." Then they will like... "haiyo... its ok... u sleep, sleep k!" See... this is like how nice my bosses are... hehehee....

Although i admit i kinda took advantage of their kindness for letting me come to office whenever i want... But when im assigned cases of valuation, i do my best, learn things fast n always do it on time k... So, i can kinda say i have good performance... right??? Heheheee....

Of cuz, by me having those advantage... some but very little of my collegues especially girls dont like the way im treated... but they cant say anything cause my bosses sayang me... muahahaaa.... The rest of my collegues or most of my collegues... they all likes me as well.... All my collegues are always so ever patient with my nonsense.... So, im not a bad person afterall k... Its just that i pose a threat n make other girls who r insecure of themselves feel jealous... which really is like totally unneccesary... cause im a nice person in office... very friendly, loud n bubbly in office... Its true u know.... Whenever im not in the office, my office is like all so quiet n serious.. everyone looks sooooo busy with their work... When im around, its like a market there... Heheee....

So yeah, i have two weeks left in this current company... i'll miss my bosses n all my wonderful collegues, sighhh... Then i have a week rest... then im going to start working in a new firm... Which is like a totally serious, big n internationally recognized firm... So, of cuz i cannot be lazy or slacking off... in fact, i have to wake my lazy ass up by 7am to go to work!! Dieness!!

I plan to stick with this new firm of mine until i get my Valuation License n more if everything goes smoothly... smoothly as in Im good with my collegues, nothing too impacting happen between me n the company, not too political n etc.... So, yeah... at least 3 years.... I have to be serious in my job already... I have to come out of my comfort zone n tell myself that i dont have enough time to play around already... i need my license fast!!

So, where is this firm of mine? I will be starting my new job n my first day of work is on 5th May... situated right in the KL City... Yeah, i will be in working in KL for like many years to come.... LOL.... Its like finally i get to run away from my strict parents... :D

I will be staying with my friends (all guys) that is currently working in KL... and 4 of us going to rent an apartment in Sri Hartamas i think.... Its good that i stay with guys... i feel more secure... N those guys i totally trust them la... or else how can i decide to stay with them.... they r like the bestest guys friends whom i met from Adelaide... but all originally from Penang.... So yeah, i guess i will never get bored with them around.... At least i will have someone to talk to when i come home....

So yeah... all my KL friends.... I will be working in KL adi... heehheheee..... See u all soon.... :D

Thats all i guess... n yea, im still in emotional state... Sighh..... wonder when will i be alright...

Wonders of Love 2...

Note: Please bear with my postings these few days or until i recover from my emotional madness.. So, i will be writing alot of nonsense stuff about love... N i need to blog it out for my future references... hheheee.... and im really having insomnia! its almost 8am, i still not yet sleep n i have work later n im blogging... LOL...

Let me rephrase what i wrote about Wonders of Love 2 years ago in friendster...

Its amazing how someone u love so much can break your heart into a million pieces but u still love them with every broken pieces...

Im still at the 5% mending the pieces.... still got 95% to go.... wonder when it will turn into one piece again....

sighh... i dont know why this time it hurts so much since i've already see it coming from the beginning... u know, its like a sooner or later thing... Maybe i've been too happy in my relationship for the past 2 years that i actually forgot how much it hurts when one relationship gets screwed....??

Sighh... nvm me... anyways, i took this from Ng Chelsia's blog... she made it herself... which i find it rather meaningful n beautiful....

I hung on to his words,
to his cologne in my hair.

I hung on to his gaze,
to the way he seemed to care.

I hung on to that breath,
to a kiss that left me bare.

I hung on to a picture,
to a dream that was never there.


Yupp... i totally agree.... 'to a dream that was never there'...... sigh....... BIG SIGH!!!!

I really should start thinking of a getaway vacation to make myself stable once again.... where should i go??? I dont want to go to a place where i can see loads of lovey dovey couples k...

Sighh... Nvm... nvm jane.. treat this as hardcore test n obstacles from God to give me strength in the future... be patient... be reasonable... be stable....

*diverting attention again* maybe i should go to perhentian? urrmm... road trips to thailand? hmm.. vietnam sounds nicer.... haih.. dont know la... Y is human always full of complicated decisions to make? Even a simple decision like this also hard to make... dammit!!

i should like really try to go sleep now!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Cry by Rihanna...

*note: dont bother reading this post cause its written by a broken hearted maniac so it will be full of crap!... Its me! DUH!!*

[Verse 1]
I'm not the type to get my heart broken,
I'm not the type to get upset and cry,
'Cause I never leave my heart open,
Never hurts me to say goodbye,
Relationships don't get deep to me,
Never got the whole in love thing,
And someone can say they love me truely,
But at the time it didn't mean a thing.

[Hook]
My mind is gone,
I'm spinnin' round,
And deep inside,
My tears I'll drown,
I'm losin' grip,
What's happenin'?
I stray from love,
This is how I feel.

[Chorus]
This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.

[Verse 2]
Did it happen when we first kissed?
'Cause it's hurtin' me to let it go,
Maybe 'cause we spent so much time,
And I know that it's no more,
I shoulda never let you hold me baby,
Maybe why I'm sad to see us apart,
I didn't give to you on purpose,
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart.

[Hook]
My mind is gone,
I'm spinnin' round,
And deep inside,
My tears I'll drown,
I'm losin' grip,
What's happenin'?
I stray from love,
This is how I feel.

[Chorus]
This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.

[Bridge]
How did I get here with you I'll never know,
I never meant to let it get so personal,
And After all I tried to do,
Stay away from lovin' you,
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know,
And I won't let it show,
You won't see me cry.

[Chorus]
This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.

This time was different,
Felt like I was just a victim,
And it cut me like a knife,
When you walked out of my life,
Now I'm in this condition,
And I've got all the symptoms,
Of a girl with a broken heart,
But no matter what you'll never see me cry.

All my life!

Blardy shit.... This song is blardy meaningful!!! LOL!!!

Im going crazzyyyyyy.... im really getting into depression..... (its 7am n i still cannot blardy sleep!!!) ....fa lalalalaa.... I now even mustered crying n laughing (due to total broken heartedness/sadness/watever the fuck is it la) at the same time... Im like a professional in crying now....

Fuhh... i still remembered that before i came back to Malaysia for good, i was hoping that Malaysia will treat me nice... but little do i know, I've only been treated good on December, January and February... The rest of the months r fucked up (including last year). Like i said in my previous posting, especially month of March n April.. most fucked up... Haihhh... Come on man... Come on God... How many more sadness do u want me to suffer? I think i have suffered to the lowest that i dont think anything elses can make me worse... God, i hope u just give me all the sadness in one go (can still give more if You wish to)... then please give me happiness n stability throughout the year and next year can??? PLEASE?????

Haihhh.... madness.... i really feel like running off to a place where no one would know me n i can do watever the fuck i want with my life without people controlling it.... I wish i had money... I wan to go travelling backpacking style ALONE n visit places i have always been wanting to... This would really cure my mental madness, sadness, heart brokeness and other fucked up feelings that have been penting up inside me.... But then again, sighh.... i will nvr be able to do that until 20 years later? Due to my damn pressuring, stressful commitment that i have for my parents...

i really should just dieeeeeeeeeeeeee n prob solve......... sienesss.... BAH! I should try to go sleep now....

p.s: Im just joking about dying ok... I will nvr die for anything at all... or especially for something so useless like love issues.... Hope by May onwards, i will recover n prepare myself to the fullest...

ciao....

Thursday, April 10, 2008

What Hurts The Most?

Lyrics of What Hurts The Most by Cascada....


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder, getting up, getting dressed, dealing with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do


A nice n meaningful song i guess...

I just blardy cant sleep, gonna have insomnia i think... there is so much on my mind these days that its fucking me up... making me so extra emotional.. n im feeling that im falling into depression soon... I can just suddenly cry for no reason when im at home alone... Im going mad... Actually, i know wats the reason why i am crying.. but im just trying to deny that im crying for that reason.... Honestly, i feel like dying.... I feel like dying because i cant take these emotional stress n madness anymore... its really making me crazy.... Sighh.... i really need to be strong... change my mind set... think of a better future... i should think that its actually better this way.... I really should think this way... sighhh.... but y i still cant forget? Y am i still hanging on? Argghhhh...... Im so moodless these days that i really dont feel like doing anything at all... dont feel like working... dont feel like eating.... dont even feel like onlining... i just feel like lying on my bed staring at my ceiling whole day long n hope to fall asleep....

Seriously man... March n April is really a fucked up month for me... Many many bad, unhappy news and incident come pouring into me altogether all of a sudden.... How can i take in so many problems at one time???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FArk la k.....................................

Monday, April 07, 2008

Walaaaa.... Im back...

Walaaa... im back from Aussieland... n im missing it already.. in fact, im missing it when i step into the airport in Sydney... and when i stepped out of Penang Airport; FUHH!!! the heat is making me crazy!!! Im in my airconditioned office now but i still feel freaking hot ok!

Being in Aust, especially in Adelaide... I was happy n miserable both at the same time... Happy cause im finally back to where i had the best time of my life...Miserable because i have no one i love there to share my supposingly the happiest moment of my life... That is my graduation (on 2nd April 2008)... Yes, i went back to Adelaide for my graduation...

A special thanks to everyone (u guys know who u r ) who came for my after grad ceromony taking photos sessions... feels really great to see u all again... and of cuz, im missing u all very much now... I miss my life there... i love my life there!!I hope i could lead me life there...

The day after my grad day, i went to Sydney... freaking flight delayed like 4 hours.. i only get to finally settle down n eat a proper meal in Sydney at 9pm.. wasted me whole damn day in airport! I get to only spend 3 nights and 2 days in Sydney cause on Sunday (6th April), i will be flying back to Msia on 8am in the morning!

When i went to Sydney to meet my friends there, i was filled with envy.. most of my friends there r couples... they like leading a happy couply life together... they stay together, they go everywhere together... i cannot help it but feeling so damn sad about my life and envy them alot!!... They all looked so happy... happy in each other's arms everyday.. n im here alone... sighh...

In conclusion, i really miss having someone beside me all the time like i used to when i was in Adelaide.. yeah, i know i have said this many many times before, but i cant help it leh.. i really feel lonely here!! I really wonder when can i have the happy couply feeling back again...

and i also wonder, When can i ever go back to Australia again after this... man... im feeling so down now... crap... brb next for some photos of my grad k... ciao...