Thursday, October 15, 2009

The thing about criticism...

I recently realised that im a critic.. im a big bad critic... not the good critic type... but bad type... i complain about this n that.. everything doesnt seem to be good enough for me... but of course when it comes to about food, im very particular about my food and im the type that spends money for good worthy food... Ok, back to everything doesnt seem to be good enough for me...

Well yeah... as i was saying, i complain about almost every single things as if im so perfect... i do not know why, how and when i turned like this... but my bf has made me realise that i criticize almost about everything...

When i first met my bf, i criticize that he's not good enough for me... as in not good looking enough, not tall enough, not smart looking enough... and all i concentrated was on his bad points... but after that, i realised his bad points were only physical looks and the inner him... i have basically nothing to complain...

and what i also didnt realised is that, when criticise about him alot... i didnt think of myself? the person i am... it took me 8 months until 2 days ago... to realise that i've been so selfish and been critizing him without thinking about myself... that he could withstand my bitchiness, my craziness, my mood swings which is very superbly crazy, my hot temper and my occasional screwing with his brains, mentally torturing him... and he did not criticise me about this... and he still love me to bits... and would still wants me to spend the rest of his life with him... And so you know, being with him for this past months, i have unleashed all my craziness towards him... So he has already seen the craziness in me that no one has ever seen but he could still bear with my stupid shits... Why didnt i think of this earlier???

My point is... i have heard alot of people, wanting to choose for their perfect partner... have their own criteria and requirements on what kind of person should be their perfect life partner and who deserve to be with them (this i think i would mostly point out to girls)... is a very stupid selfish thinking... being so picky and all towards the guy... but have u girls ever think those kind of guys would want you?

Yes, to be honest.. i used to be one of them (maybe i still am)... i used to want this this that that in my bf... as in like ridiculous criteria... but what i didnt think is... what have i got to offer to deserve that kind of man?

I am lazy ass woman who prefer not to clean my own house as i think hiring maids are the solution(even though i need to clarify that i know how to do housework k! im just freaking lazy to do it), i know how to cook but lazy.. prefer to eat out... im not the manja, sweet polite kind of woman that can serve my man well... im not those traditional type of woman that serve the man all the way... i have bad habits equally as bad as man... but i ridiculously used to think that i wan the perfect prince charming husband... u know the usual, super rich, good looking, love me to death, understanding, trustworthy and bla bla bla... Heck man, im not even trustworthy at all, should i dare to request for someone trustworthy? I have crazy bitchy attitude like a princess, so do u think a super rich ass millionaire's son would love someone like me?

My points is, if you have nothing to offer to your requirement type of guy, dont ever dare to look for guys that is not up to your par!

I always believe, God is very fair... there is a reason why this or that is happening to certain people at this certain time... how u meet your love ones and how they turn out to be isnt wat you always expected...

I have this girl friend of mine... she doesnt come from a rich back ground.. but she is pretty, quite intelligent, can do house work, can cook, very elegant type.. and she found her the other half super rich ass millionaire/billionaire and loves her alot... I envy her alot... i really do.. cause she is able to get such bf/husband (and they are getting married next year)... but i cannot envy much or ask myself why i couldnt get this kind of man... cause i have nothing to offer to have such man...

But to be honest, im very happy for what i have today... as in my bf... this is not to please him or watsoever... but its the truth... i think God has been very nice to me... I have done so many shitty stuff and screw up all my past relationships which i think i dont derserve him at all... but God still gives me someone like him... even though his physical looks aint good but overall he is much better as a person compare to me... Yes, he may be freakily obssesive, his paranoia and controls me too much on some occassion and the level of his trust towards me, is like basically almost zero, but he really does loves me and plan for our future thoroughly... I understands why is he is so possesive towards me, why is he so paranoid that im gonna cheat on him, why he controls me too much and why he doesnt trust me... Its all bcos he is afraid to lose me... He is so possesive and doesnt trust me at all is because of my own doings... about my past which was never proud to be mentioned of... I have been trying my best to assure him and make him trust me more n more... so far, it still seems difficult... but i guess time till will tell... What the heck la, even i myself dont really trust him... but im very sure that i have more trust in him than he has on me....

Thats the saying of "Do Unto Others as You Would have Others Do Unto You" is really true... If im obsesive, I have to expect my the other half is obsessive as well... If i dont trust my the other half, I have to expect my the other half dont trust me as well... If im crazy and bitchy with crazy temper, i would have to expect my the other half have the crazy temper as well... Thats y they are called 'the other half'... we share everything together... we influence each other... we make each other crazy... and we pick up each other's habits and thinking along the way...

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