Wednesday, December 09, 2009

My Life So Far?

Last weekend, i went to a close friend's wedding... Andy & Rachel... and during that wedding dinner, i met alot of my Uni friends again... Sam asked me... How are you?? You never blog for a long time already... How would i know wats up with u?

And then it occurred to me... i have abandon my blog for almost 2 months... Its not like i care much about my blog... i just have nothing interesting to write... All i can always write nowadays is about my daily life and what have i been doing, what have i been up and i do with my bf... i believe this blog will evolve as i evolve... now, im a boring person... so my blog is boring... when im married later, i will write about marriage in my blog... and when i have kids later on... my blog will be all about my kids... seriously k...

So, I've been back to Penang ever since mid July... and my God! Time flies... 5 months have passed... and im still adapting to my life in Penang... Yes, Penang life is so darn boring, nothing shit to do, no interesting events to go to, no nice clubs to go to.. So i no longer go out partying and drinking anymore....

All i've been doing is try to become a good girl, no partying wildlife, not much friends around me... adapting to quiet life... Since i have moved in with my bf, im spending every single day in and out moment with my bf... except working hours of course... Im trying to adapt into family-hood... Try to create and make better bonding with his parents... try to be useful around house work even though i dont really like to do house work... try to withstand his traditional mum's constant shooting... therefore, i learn to be more patient and traditional chinese mannerism (which i come from a modern family, and this is seriously something new to me)... Practically, im just training and trying to be a good wife, a good daughter in law and someone domesticated... But im still very far from good...

At first, when i first came back from KL, it was sweet and nice... cause everything is new and my bf was really appreciating my presence every single moment... Then on and on and on.... Since Oct till Nov, i felt really lonely.... Even though i have my own job, i still feel lonely... I was kinda in depression mode a little last month cause of my constant feeling of loneliness... Its not that my bf no longer accompany me... Its just that i feel i dont socialize enough... When i get too free at times, i think about my KL life then my aussie life... i missed them so much... There are many days which i could actually count amount of people i talk to... There are days that i only talks to my bf and no one else... For example; during weekdays when i work... i woke up to go to work and i talk to 2 of my bosses only... then i finish work and i talk to my bf.... so yeah, i was depressed for not socializing enough... and my bf, was starting to get used to me around him that he started to take me for granted... its like when we r all out together with his friends, its fine and i understand that he has to talk to his friends... but when we r alone at home at night after working, he would be doing his normal stuff like read magazines, comic books, watch his dvds, play his PS3 and etc... we dont talk much; as in those really communication type of talk... Thats y i got more n more depressed... and i couldnt take it any longer that we had a huge fight, i confronted him with my problems and etc... and now we r much better...

Come to think of it, in this 5 short months being with my bf everyday... we argued alot... we fought many times... its like i've never fought so much before in a relationship and he even agree the same thing... But we both realized that we r both moving forward really fast and our relationship is like in a fast forward pace... The more we argue and fight, the more we knew each others needs, the more we understand each other better... We never really have a huge fight and then there is no solution to it... we both always made sure that there is a solution to that problem before we brush it off and keep it inside again... We both felt that with our constant arguing, its like we are both trying to fix our indifferences before we finally settle down and get married... It feels weird though... usually people say, the more u argue with your the other half, the more further apart your feelings will be... But as for me and him, the more we argue, the closer we get... Even though we r together for almost a year, it felt like we r together for 3 years already...

This is wat i really love about my relationship with him... We can talk and discuss almost anything without any hindrance... We both can have heart to heart talk and figure out eachother's wants and needs... We both have the almost same attitude... We dont like to keep the problems to ourselves... We both like to lash it all out to each other even when there is a little problem... Its like when im feeling really lonely last month, i confronted him and told him about my problem... (of course it started with a fight first)... He said im too emoish... then i told him wats my problem and why am i being emo and he actually listens...He will listen then try to make things better, our relationship better... As for the other way round, he has problem trusting me... (n yes, i know.. it is my fault and my past that he has trust issues with me)... So, in order to gain his trust back, i spend everyday being with him... tell him how much i love him and why i love him... show him and try to prove to him that im slowly changing for the better and im not my past anymore...

Now, im feeling ok.. my bf has made efforts to communicate more and he has been n still trying to make our relationship perfect... In this relationship, i can see that we both are clearly trying to make it as colorful and as wonderful as possible... Most of the time, i feel like a married woman... and if being married is this wonderful, i dont mind man... :D (but i just wish that i have nicer and more lenient mother-in-law).... It really does feel good to have someone totally belongs to you 100%... Someone to complete you... someone to really love and care for you...

So yeah, this is wat i do almost everyday... argue with bf, hanging out with bf (we r both like inseparable... its like u see him, u'll see me... u see me, u'll see him) and his friends...and the only friends i hang out with here is Jen and Mel... Im friendless here in Penang... and i keep on thinking... damn, when i get married, i totally cannot find enough bride's maid or "chi muis" on my big day man! and my bf has a lot of friends that could easily be his best man / "heng tai".... Dieded...

And everybody / alot of people getting married these days!!! When is my turn??? Muahahahaa.....

Sick of me talking about my bf yet? Like i said, my blog will evolve along with me... muahahahaa.....