Thursday, January 07, 2010

My 2009... And hello 2010...

Its the new year.. How have I been in 2009? Gosh, I cannot believe how fast time has fly past me...

I started the year 2009 in a rather peaceful way... Did my count down for 2009 in my hotel room in Bangkok alone.. Wishing secretly that I'd find my love n fall in love with someone who will really appreciate me, really love me, will never use me, will not take me for granted.. And on mid Jan, I started to get closer to an old friend of mine.. Well not really old but I've known him for 2 years.. And we became an item not long after.. And of course we r still together up till now.. Now, I have moved in with him... He treats me as his wife and I see him to be my potential husband..

Then, nothing special happen to me along the way... I was starting to get bored about partying life, clubbing n events.. I got more attached to my bf and things at work in KL got worse as I was quite unhappy with my working environment as I have some tight, green people in my ex company that I'm not happy with.. My thinking is.. If u r not happy about something, do something about it.. So I resigned and came back to Penang for good... Its about the right time for me anyways, long distance relationship getting sick for me.. So if I wanted my relationship this time to really work, I gotta do something about it.. So I left all my so called happening life in kl for someone I believe its worth it for.. I came back to Penang for good on end of July.. My life in Penang was good at the beginning.. I celebrated my birthday on August with 3 other closest people in my life.. That is my boy friend, my best friend, my boyfriend's best friend whom was my best friends's boy friend too.. That time, I felt like I'm the happiest and most hang fuk person on earth.. I had best friend n a boy friend who loves me to death.. I moved in with my bf on mid Aug, I think... Then my life is the same everyday in Penang... Slowly, I started to get emo n down on end of sept till early nov as I was constantly alone.. My bf is always busy working.. I'm always alone feeling so lonely.. And started to miss my KL life alot.. And begin to wonder is this all worth it??

I started a new job but in the same position and same job scope on the first monday of Oct.. Hate my job as usual.. But I have be in this line for the sake of my parents.. I love my boss and my flexibility... So nothing to complain la.., I plan to stick in this company like forever.. Muahaaha... Ok, about the lonely part, I brushed it aside after huge fight with my bf and tell him all my problems and he tried to do his best to make me feel not alone.. Despite the fact that he was fucking busy with his new company.. He was really busy setting up the new company.. My life is the same ol same ol.. Until Dec.. Yupp, which was just last month.. Many things have happened.. Then on Mid Dec, I found out something which turned my life around... I was secretly wishing it would happen but it happened at the wrong time.. Inconvenient to mention it but lets just put it this way, this thing will haunt me forever n make an impression on me forever... Huge decision to make about that.. But the decision that I could finally make was end of dec.. Which was a total wrong decision which I regretted till this day and will regret forever.. I tell myself and swore to myself.. If this happens again, I will not make the wrong decision ever again... I will stand firm on my decision and carry it on.. After I made that stupid decision which I will regret for the rest of my life, I turned into depression mode.. I looked ok on the outside but I was crushed all inside.. I hated everybody that influenced me to make that decision.. But I can blame no one but myself cause I was not firm enough...

I celebrated new year's eve by just cooking at home for jen n her bf, my bf and my bf's parents.. Jen and I cooked spaghetti, mashed potatoes, broccoli and ham backe, and buttered mushroom.. We did our count down at home at my bf's attic floor over looking the Batu Ferringhi seaview.. Peaceful, quiet, without jam and sweaty people...

On Jan 1st, my emotions came all out.. Crying like crap over my lost n the stupid decision that I made.. Told my bf that I had enough of everything, I seriously hated everyone that gave me that stupid solution.. My parents were part of it.. So I hated them as well... Still don't feel like talking to them cause they asked me to do it and now they never care enough to bother calling me to see how am I doing.. I even wanted to break up with my bf n just wanna go disappear to some place that no one knows me.. This was how down I felt.. I felt like ending my life was just the only option.. But the weird thing is, I woke up the next day feeling different... Something inside me tells me to think of this problem I had in a different way... Try to over look it.. Focus on something more positive.. And tell myself that this is me.. It is something that I couldn't see before that's y I was so depressed.. I've been trying to feel positive about it since then.. But occasionally, I still feel abit down n depressed over my lost.. But sigh, wats been done, has been done... No more turning back.. *ok, this paragraph, u guys don't have to understand it, its only for my reference*

So, this is my year.. Calm most of the time.. Try to be domesticated.. Stayed at home most of the time, be with my bf cum future husband everyday.. Do things for him n his family.. Trying to train myself into wife material.. Occasional emo n lonely moments n etc.. Cannot blame me for being emo la my dear.. My year 2008 was all about partying, outgoing life.. And yeah, hell lots of flings n stupidity.. And suddenly my life had changed to calm, quiet, peaceful just for u.. And I finally understood many things because of you...

Yes, my life is all about my bf.. Like I said, my blog will evolve as I evolve..

I wonder how will my 2010 be?? What's in store for me this year? I don't have a resolution this year.. But I'm not afraid to say this.. I'm hoping I'll get married this year.. My bf says if he can manage financially, he will wan to make me his wife.. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed.. I'm gonna try to be a good girl n good gf to him... Hehehee... Let me put a disclaimer here.. I'm not desperate to get married ok! Its just that I find that love happens in a very magical way... I never believe those saying that 'when u see that someone, u will know immediately that he's the one'.. But oddly enough, when I see this bf of mine.. I have this very very strong feeling n its telling me that he's the one.. And its worth it to do so much n sacrifice so much for him.. I hope we can make it this time.. Yes, I know its very sickening to read so many stuff about my bf.. But trust me, if u really found the one, u will truly understand how I feel.. I used to be the 'wtf, so fucking gay, no such thing as the one, love is bullshit' kind of girl.. And I read from somewhere that not everybody can find their soulmate.. And I think I'm lucky as I think I've found my soulmate.. :D

Anyways, I'll see wats in store for me this year.. Finger crossed for everything to be fine, smooth n calm.. Till then.. Muacksss!

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