Monday, May 31, 2010

The hardship of being a parent...

Lately, i have been getting a little taste of how is it like being a parent... and the feeling sucks...

You see, i have a younger brother and a younger sister, which made me the eldest in the family... and being like 8 years and 11 years older than them... they are of course now at their teens and im like old... They have been giving me too much problem that seriously, i dont know how to help them anymore... All my parents know how to do is work... my mum's mind is always occupied with something else... My dad just basically doesnt care much about family matters... and both of my parents, they are the type that as long as there is no big problem like their stuffs got stolen, or house got burn, dont go disturb them...

With my bro n sis in their teenage years, they obviously have created so many drama n nonsense for me to handle them... and being an emotional me, i always go crazy when little stuff ticks me off... and hence, both my brother and sister regard me as the crazy elder sister... In fact, i think they hate me more n curse me more than my mum.. which it feels kinda hurt to be regarded like that.. but i think its worth it to be regarded like that if they turns out alright and i have done watever i could to stop them being rotten in the future...

When i was younger, i used to hate my parents so much till the extend that i actually curse them to die almost every single day for controlling me, taking my freedom away... going crazy on me.. and i was seriously not allowed to go out at all until like after form 5... i always blaming them n hate them for not understanding me... But now as i grew up, i understood why they did all those... if they had not, i would be a rotten piece of slut...

And now, i think my parents regretted being so hard on me that they gave so much freedom to my brother and sister which i think its too much... too much to an extend of like for exmaple, my sister got exam on coming monday, my mum will still allow my sister the go out the saturday before... like wtf...

Like only yesterday, i confronted my brother for doing something ridiculously stupid and i were to tell u all wat the heck is it u all will be like wtf???!!!! serious shit?? OMG!!! And please dont bother asking me.. i wont tell cause its an embarassing matter... too embarassing indeed that i wanna change my surname adi cause no one in the household bother to take any action on my bro.. Anyways, he was denying it... So, fine... to make a long story short, at the end when i was about to just let him go for awhile since he is going to have exam today... he go nasty and crazy on me... which i had to resort to whacking the hell out of him... And i think he dont feel any pain cause he is like 19 years old.. almost a grown man body n strength but with a 13 years old thinking... And yesterday was like the first time ever my bro got a beating from me ever since he was like 5? I was never the type of people who beat somebody up... and i know that cause my phone stealer friend tried to slap me also i didnt fight back... and also whenever my brother n sister did something wrong, i will always try to talk things out or just scold.. but yesterday, i had to beat him up cause he was being violent n disrespectful... And i seriously hate people disrepecting me when i give them my full respect in the first place...

After beating him up, i couldnt sleep... i had my mind on the incident the whole night yesterday until now... Yes, maybe i was being too harsh... but i also believe in respecting your elders... I even made my mum cried because i beat up my bro... sigh, my mum never change... She loves n spoil my bro as ever... and does my bro ever love my mum as much she loves him??? But regardless, she still loves him the most.. and its obvious... But anyways, i apologised to her today and bought her fav ice cream, green tea ice cream... yuck! But i made it clear to her that i apologised for making her cry but i dont apologise for beating up my bro cause he totally deserve it! If anyone of u know the real situation, everyone would agree.. he totally deserved it!

This incident made think the whole day... all the while i have been having very good relationships with my brother and sister... and bcos i had to occasionally take up the parent role when my mum couldnt do it.. they hate me, and this caused my relationship with my siblings turned sour...

Before my brother incident, it was my sister's problem... I couldnt sleep nor relax in peace each time i think of her and her problem... I kept of thinking of a solution on how to solve her nonsense... Which finally, i got a solution and that solution had made my relationship with my sister improved abit... When its starting to improve and when me n my sister are starting to talk again like when she was little up till like 3 years ago... My sister told me something about my brother which i had to take action and become the parent and being hated all over again.. but this time its my brother's turn! Sighh... luckily i dont have much siblings... Damn, have to note to self not to have so many children next time... 2 is more than enough...

I seriously hope that after getting all these curses from them... they hating me n etc... I would like to think that, at least i tried making them into a better person and tried stopping them from doing something that will ruin their future... i hope one day they will understand why i did all those.. why i went crazy on them, why i did this n that... Like how now i finally understood why my parents did all those to me and im seriously thankful for that... It maybe be tough and i was seriously hating them that time.. but now im really thankful that my parents was being hard on me...

See... im already sounding like an aunty... sigh... signs of getting old...

But seriously, its is seriously tough being a parent and also try to be the cool parent type...

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