Tuesday, June 22, 2010

If only...

If Only............

I could change my past...
I could change the year 2001...
I could change the year 2005, specifically month of February...
I could change the month of October in 2009...
I had went to Australia and never come back to Malaysia...
I could change the stupid decisions i have made...
I could convince my the other half to move to other country... cause i hate my life in Penang... (Penang is generally a nice place for normal people.. but for me, i have nothing in Penang)

And most importantly, If Only I Could Have You... sigh...

Everybody has this saying that We cannot change our past but we could change the future... but what if the decision that we make to change our future will actually ruin our future?

There are many times i wish i could just let go everything im building with my the other half so that i fulfill my dreams of living abroad... but that would be a silly thing to do... cuz i will be all lonely n i know i will feel regretful cause i will lose someone this great... Is it worth it to lose genuine love, possibly of losing that only someone that would ever genuinely love you for who you are for the rest of your life, for something i selfishly love to do with my own life such as becoming a stewardess or living somewhere abroad and etc... and then end up being lonely...

Last but not least, this is the question i ask myself everyday...

Is this the life i want?

I dont even know myself...

All i know is that i have been feeling very sinful n regretful for the stupid decisions i have made in the past... I am never the type to really regret the things n decisions that i have done... but to date, i have deepest regrets on 2 things... And i still feel so bad...

Im so sorry... Just so you know, i love you deeply...

Could have been seeing u next month... sigh...

Coulda woulda shoulda...

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