This is an entry about friendships, fake friendships and disappointment...
And im going to be totally straight forward here but without naming any names... if u think its you, then its u... cause its gonna be so straight forward that even a retard with down syndrome would know... I cannot handle anymore fakeness already... If i hurt your feelings here, Im sorry... You should know im being straight forward n honest here... Unless u rather me be fake, then i guess we r not suppose to be friends... I've lost of alot friends lately... got betrayed, got hurt... i dont mind losing a few more...
I used to have a friend (lets give her a name: Boobless)... which we met through a guy friend in KLCC and then we got closer in Hennessy Artistry event mid 2008... we got so close that we meet each other almost everyday... to the point that people actually mistaken us for lesbians... We went to every single event together in KL... I fetched her to everywhere we wanna go... I celebrated her birthday for her on year 2008 in advance in Pavillion... Bought her bday cake all by myself when no one wanted to even chip in for her birthday... On her real birthday, we went to Perhentian Island together... I treat her diving, transport and some meal... Most of the time when we go out, i treat her... (that is of course when i have extra cash, and i was single of course i got extra cash)... And come to think of it, it was kinda stupid of me to treat someone that nice whom i only know for half a year...
You will see Miss Boobless face on almost each of my blog entry in year 2008... when i read back on my blog entry how much i used to love her... it hurts so much... sigh...
Around Nov, i lost my handphone due to break-in to my car... Then on Dec 2008, I bought a new phone... The Sony Ericsson Xperia X1... My mum paid for me actually.. And she was really hesitant to buy such expensive for me cause u know parents... never agree in buying such expensive stuff...
On Mid Jan, I lost my Xperia... In Zouk.. and i did not blog about me losing my phone cause i didnt wan my mum to kill me that time... HOw did i lose it? I trusted that Boobless girl with my handphone and put it in her purse... I was busy smsing my bf but that time not yet bf... U know the courting period... of course a lot of sweet smses... When i lost my phone in Zouk, I went berzerk... I yelled, i cried, i throw tables... I cursed the mother fucker who stole my phone will die while shitting or even choke on rice n die... (unfortunately, the person did not.. But since now i know who did it, I hope next time when that person has a daughter, that person's daughter will be born retarded and got raped at the age of 4 repeatedly until the daughter dies... If has a son, the son will be erectile dysfunction and born retarded)... I totally trusted that person, thats y i left my phone on her hand.. I did not even suspect its Boobless... If i had suspected it was her at the first place i would have searched her body that time la... mother fucking bitch! My other friends who went with me to ZOuk that night, actually suspected its Boobless.. but i chose not to believe and i chose not to find out... Cause i had full faith in her... that i treated like my own sister... in fact, much nicer than my own sister and my own best friend... I totally didnt believe she would do that to me...
As for me, i got Rm3K more broke... As i did not wan my mum to know i lost the phone, i borrowed money from my best friend and buy the same shitty phone again... But this time is an AP phone... the first X1 was Ori... I took like 4 months to return the RM3K to my best friend with some help from my bf... So, i was freaking broke for 4 months...Imagine la, i lived in KL.. rental RM400 and plus utilities almost Rm600 all together... and i return my best friend rm500 every month and my salary after tax was rm1700... and i eat out every single day...
So last friday, i went to Hennessy Artistry... I finally want to know whether is it Boobless that did it because she has been bad mouthing me, betraying me behind my back, when i have done totally nothing to her... Examples: Things that i told her about another friend, i tell her not to tell... She went n tell that friend... (No, i did not gossip, it was pure fact anyways)... And i actually kinda purposely tell her those things, cause i wan to know whether she is the back stabbing bitch, back stabbibg me... when i know she really did tell, thats it la... I dont wan to be nice anymore... cause i freaking hate 'kiss n tell' people... I start on my mission to find out whether my lost phone is really on her hands... So i went to Hennessy Artistry last friday to find out...
And yupp, true enough... I compared the IMEI No. that i had from my X1 box to the IMEI No. from the phone.. it matches... When i knew it was her, i got so disappointed, sad.. n try not to believe it... When i confronted Boobless, she denied... She said... Same IMEI No. doesnt mean is your phone ok! Like WTF??? Cannot deny adi wat... She somemore said, its some guy name Jimmy that give it to her... and she told me "If u want, i ask Jimmy to come here la!" So i said... Ok, ask him to come here... i will wait! And at this point, she said "How to ask him to come, he's at overseas!" HAHAHAHAhahahahaa.... Fucking funny... This stupid reason reminds me of when i was in school, when my headmistress ask me to call my parents to school for disciplinary problems, i used to use this lame excuse to the headmistress... I have tried to take care of her pride by confronting her at the staircase where there's not much people around.. but when i walked off, she came after me (i was already at the entrance of first floor) n yelled at me saying she wants her phone back! Like wtf??? When i turned back to her, she kinda attacked me n slapped me... which she kinda missed a little cause she was shorter than i am... and she is a small size, that slap feels like nothing... I pushed her away leaning towards the wall...and told her... "there is no use for u to do this, im much stronger than u... what are you trying to do huh?" When i let go off her, she tries attacking again... funny man... a small size girl with a strength of a kitten trying to over power this huge me??? At this point, of course everyone there are looking at us... So, yeah... if u were to be at Hennessy Artistry at the Opera last friday, and u see 2 girls fighting on first floor, that would be me n Boobless... I even yelled to her... "You fucking phone stealer! Im not gonna giving you back the fucking phone! If u wan the phone back, u go report police and tell the police that i stole ur phone la!"...
I seriously regret until today that i did not hit her back that time... But i kinda know why i didnt that time... cause i knew if i were to hit her, she will confirm fall flat! I actually still cared how she would have felt..! WTF!!!!! Silly me!! Why am i so nice at the wrong fucking time????!!!
This lesson has really made me realize... Only RM3k can cause a friendship.. it does not matter how much i have done for that person... This incident seriously made me feel so scared to have close friends anymore... WHy people cannot be a little bit more genuine? Im not asking for 100% genuine cause i know, its impossible to be 100% genuine anymore... but at least, treat the person on the same level as how the person treats u.... Like when a person is nice n genuine to u at 60%, u could at least be at 50%... not at 10%! Is it that hard?? It gets so disappointing...
This makes me seriously feel to not wan have friends anymore... I rather be cooped up at home n be alone man!
BTW MISS BOOBLESS, IM STILL WAITING FOR YOUR JIMMY FRIEND TO COME PICK UP THE PHONE! BRING PROOF OF PURCHASE YA SINCE U SAY SAME IMEI NO. DOESNT MEAN YOU STOLE MY PHONE!
OK, I DECIDED TO BE A BITCH... MISS BOOBLESS IS ACTUALLY MISS STEPHANIE KOK YEN LING, THE PHONE STEALER THAT STAYS AT KEPONG, KL! STUDIES AT TARC IN KL... Nehh... short, boobless (totally no boobies... no even a small bump... only nipples!), small built, super long hair and always like to flip her hair around like she is so damn pretty like that... and a fucking phone stealer... and oh, she likes to find rich boyfriends to maintain her lifestyle... she only loves branded stuff... if you buy her branded stuff, she will fuck you adi... go ahead n try la, if u think she is pretty enough... Please go fuck her until she have aids or stds ok....
Lately, i have also been having problems with another friend of mine... Let call her Miss LongHair... I have been friends with LongHair for a very long time... someone whom i shared watever nonsense i have... i shared it all to her... but lately, it has been very hard... I dont know how to trust her... I dont know wat to believe in her anymore... I honestly feel, that watever i try to say or share, doesnt mean anything anymore... Cause somehow, the problem is with me.. i feel she will be lying or be fake again... I have put a wall on her... sometimes the wall gets thicker... sometimes it gets thinner... I just cant seem to totally remove that wall... We used to share similar thoughts... I have no walls on her... i talk watever shit i wan in front her... and she will still be listening n giving me advice that makes me think... damn, we r so alike... but now, when i tell her things... for example, my relationship stuff... about me quarreling with my bf... She will either vaguely answer me... Or like try to answer me things that she thinks i wan to hear... But when she answer me things that i dont like to hear, i put on a deaf ear to her... and this problem is getting serious... Its like, she give me the answer that i wan to hear also die for her (cause i will think she is starting to act fake again)... And to be honest, i think i know her well enough to differentiate whether her answer is really from her opinion or something that i wan to hear... and if she gives me her real opinion also die for her (cause when i hear something i dont like, i put on a deaf ear)... For example; when she said my bf is being freako, possesive n etc.. I dont like to hear it... cause my thinking is... my bf is like bcos he doesnt wan me to fall back into my old reckless life...and he is afraid of losing me to that kind of life... And bcos of wat i did to him in the beginning of our relationship, thats why he is still having trouble trusting me... So, at times when i argue with my bf regarding trust issues, i will talk to Miss LongHair about it and she will say things that i wan to hear n things that wouldnt offend me... I dunno how to explain la... Miss LongHair will understand this...
This is because our thinking is no longer the same... I think i am moving forward to a stable, wan kid, family, husband life... she is still into single life... this is where we are different...
Whatever that she is doing to her life... destroying her life as i see it... As how she sees my life as pityful... I used to not agree wat she is doing to her life... As i seriously love her too much that i dont want her to go tru the nonsense i went tru before i found this bf of mine / cum husband :D .... But i come to agree with my ownself that... She will not listen... like how i used to not listen when people give me good advise... I need to see the black hole... jump into that big black hole then only will believe its a big black hole... this is how normal human actually are... gatai... must go bang the wall then only will believe the wall is hard... So now, our conversations are not longer in depth.. in details... we only talk very surface stuff... like her daily life, her work and my daily boring life... We are so not the same anymore... And it seriously hurts me that we r turning into this... I think this problem is very hard to solve.. as i got my own issues to solve... My own issues as in... I cannot help myself but to start thinking each time she say something, i will start to think... is she being genuine or is she saying this bcos this is wat she thinks i wan to hear? So yeah, this problem lies in me... Not her fault actually... But sometimes u see, i known her for so many years, i can differentiate whether she is being genuine or not... when i sense fakeness again, my wall to her turn thick... And im the type that likes to act stupid... I did not say it, doesnt mean i dont know anything... I just keep it to myself until the right time to tell... or maybe i wont even tell... I will just go disappointed n my wall just gonna turn thicker... Last friday, we talk things out through the phone... and im glad everything came out... My wall towards her turn thin... in fact, much thinner compare to way before... (but of course, there are still somethings that are not quite out yet, i will talk to Miss LongHair about it when i see her next time...) I really seriously wan our friendship to work the way it was before... I wan to hold no barrier when talking to u n u hold no barrier when talking to me... (ok, im writing this as if its for her cause i know she reads my blog).... I dont wanna care wat u r doing now with ur life is right or wrong anymore... I just wan our friendship back to the way it was... I know it maybe hard for now... And im pretty sure in the future, we could be like the way it was before... (as in when we both have family of our own) then we will be on the same track again... ... I wan to be there for you when u have problems... like before... I wan sincere, genuine friendship... No fakeness anymore.... You should know how much i cannot stand people being fake... you should know how many people have betrayed me when i have done nothing wrong to them... I even have cried for stupid friends that steal my shoes when i was in college... and cried bcos of that boobless phone stealer bitch...
And you my dear, i have cried so many times bcos of you... not only recently... but way before when u did disappoint me at some occasions... but u didnt know... i just cried silently because of u.. for so many times over n over...
I dont wan to feel like an immature young high school girl that cries for friendship... i feel lame ok... Sometimes, adults are like kids... im so old adi, but i sometimes forget that im an adult... i think of stupid stuff n worry over little stupid stuff like a kid... sighh....
I hope by now, u will have not much hard feelings... remember i told u on the phone, i promise to try to open up as much as possible... this is my first step of trying...
***Actually this entry, i was thinking of writing about at least 4 different people... but its 6.15am now! so i chose 2 people to write about... one is to trash Miss Boobless... one is to open up to Miss LongHair... thats y my first paragraph of this entry is irrelevant adi... :)***
***** UPDATE: Miss Boobless blocked her blog after reading this entry of mine... See, really guilty people does that.... *****
Wanna see how pretty the Boobless phone stealer looks like?
Blog ----> since she blocked her blog, u cant see anything...
***** Another update: She totally close down her facebook n her blog adi... Nothing to see adi... :( Did she die or something? Hahahahahahahahahaaaa.... she should...! *****
Friday, March 26, 2010
This is an entry about friendships, fake friendships and disappointment...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
First installment of Hennessy Artistry 2010 is coming up real soon!
19th March 2010
This year... things are gonna be much more fun.. more activites... more involvement... More involvement means more different zones in the party itself!
In other words, new concept in partyingggg.... Yay!
Setting the tone for the party at Opera is the Hennessy Mixing Zone which gets a facelift and will feature four new and improved zones – the Hennessy Mix Master, Hennessy Mixing Bar, the Hennessy Digital Light Art Effects, and a Hennessy Live Twitting Zone.
So, most of you all gonna ask... What are those huh?
Those who have been to Hennessy Artistry party before, they will definitely know what is Hennessy Mixing Bar...
Hennessy Mixing Bar is of course the place where they mix Hennessy VSOP with other stuff.. The usual signature Hennessy Apple and Hennessy Ginger cocktails will still be around of course (btw, my fav is ginger).. But there will be new fresh flavours!!! Featuring two brand new long drinks: Hennessy Citrus and Hennessy Berry!! I gotta try it man... I wonder why am i getting all so excited about this huh... :D :D :D
Hennessy Mix Master - For those who have always wanted to be a DJ, the ‘Hennessy Mix Master’ would be the perfect platform to do so. Here, fans would be guided by a professional DJ which will be helping them uncover their hidden talents and creativity in music producing. Their tracks will then be uploaded onto the official Hennessy Artistry website (www.h-artistry.com.my) where organizers will then select the top 20 tunes and reward the winners with a bottle of Hennessy VSOP each. The producer of the top-ranked track will also be walking away with an iPod Touch. Winners will be notified within 3 weeks after the event.
Hennessy Digital Light Art Effects - On the 19th march 2010 Hennessy Artistry party in The Opera, You guys will get to see the introduction of the ‘Hennessy Digital Light Art Effects’. In this area, people would be able to express their creativity and discover their artistic side as they create and design their own Hennessy VSOP desktop wallpapers using light technology and video projections. ^__^ I think my darling will be good at this...! But im not the artsy type... So, urrmmm.........
Hennessy Live Twitting Zone - Is of course for Twitter fans... People who likes to twitter all the time... The party at Opera will for the first time feature the ‘Hennessy Live Twitting Zone’!! Here, Twitterers would be able to update their status which will then be broadcasted live throughout the whole event! So, those who didnt get to go... Gonna be so green with envy when they read how much fun we are r going to have...!
On the music front, the first H-Artistry instalment of 2010 will feature an outstanding line-up of musical talents from Malaysia and Japan.
From Japan..... Toko based DJ Sarasa a.k.a Silverboombox...will bring the house down with her blend of highly-energetic Hip Hop, Funk, Disco, Soul, Breakbeats and House music.. And so you know, she could break dance while DJ-ing..
Our very own Malaysian - Bunkface, u know those guys that sings Silly Lilly?? Which that song was number 1 on Hitz.FM’s Malaysian Top Ten for 8 weeks and number 1 on Fly.fm’s Campur Chart for 10 weeks. Bunkface started to get known when they won first place for the Battle of the Bands competition in UNISEL organized by ROTTW on march 2006. Bunkface’s popularity soared even higher when their latest single, ‘Through My Window’ was released recently with the song garnering more than 3.7 million online mentions.
DVJ G Mix, one of the few individuals in the country with the ability to ‘visualize sounds’ and to provide audiences with hypnotic, head-turning visuals. He has performed as the closing act for the Bangkok Invaders and most memorably, as the guest DVJ at Korean superstar Rain’s concert VIP after party in Kuala Lumpur.
Last but not least, Shawn Lee.. Yupp, the First Malaysian Beatbox Champion... I heard he is so good that he represented Malaysia at the Beatbox Battle World Championship in Berlin and was ranked number 9 in the competition out of 45 contestants from 40 countries last year!
Have i excite you yet?? I think is enough for you all to quickly get ur ass up... and ask for invites from your power friends that has invites or go to Hennessy Artistry website and RSVP for ur invitation asap!
I will definitely be there... So, get on it now...
I have been like at least 6 or 7 (kinda lost count) Hennessy Artistry events since 2008... and trust me, Hennessy Artistry party gets better n better every year man!
This Picture was taken at Hennessy Artistry July 2009 in Bukit Kiara Equestrian Park where Fatman Scoop performed... *look at the amount of people man!*
Me with my then best girl friends.. :D
Wanna read about my past experiences in Hennessy Artistry party??
My most memorable Hennessy Artistry event was when Flo Rida was here... on July 2008... Best of the best... cause i had so many friends, different groups ofr friends went.. Totally enjoyed the the crowd.. And i was mad happily tipsy... Those who went with me will know.... So everytime i hear Flo Rida's.. "Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur... Low Low Low Low..." It so reminds me of Hennessy Artistry and the so much fun i had! Ish... Missing the good old times... Im getting old.... Sigh...
Ok, i feel like im starting to rant nonsense adi... So yeah... gotta go.. see u all soon!!
Passes to H-Artistry ‘The Global Art of Mixing’ at The Opera, Sunway Pyramid is by-invitation only. To obtain invitations to the March 19 event, logon to www.h-artistry.com.my. Alternatively, to know more about past events or to receive updates on the upcoming party, visit the official Facebook fan page: www.h-artistry.com.my/facebook or follow H-Artistry on Tweeter: www.h-artistry.com.my/twitter. The party is strictly opened to non-Muslim guests aged 21 years and above only. ID verifications will be carried out at the door.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
As everybody knows... Im settling down... My life now is all about my bf... Every single day is all about him...
But i cannot help but wonder... What does settling down really means?
I know my boundaries here... I live a life like a married woman.. wherever that i wan to go, i need to ask permission from my the other half.. whatever that i need to do, i need to inform him first... But does it include being always alone.. caged down...?
I used to go out alot.. going out parties n events.. every single weekends... When i was in KL, if there's an event, u'll see me there... Now, i dont even bother about events, not excited about it at all... But there are many times, i longed to go partying... just once in a while... I believe it will do no harm right? But the process on getting my immigration officer approve it gets tiring... I hate the feeling that when i nicely ask for permission to go out clubbing, with my bf along... he will start to insult, shoot me of my past life... give me many nonsense so that i end up not going... My applications always get denied... But i still suck it up n end up listening to him... But there are sometimes, he cannot feel my pain inside... All i wanted was to go out crazying, just once in a blue moon... Im not asking every weekend! Every since i came back from KL for good last July, i have never touch alcohol for the purpose of fun n get drunk.. I never go to clubs since then.. NOt even once! What i do everyday in Penang is Monday till Saturday.. my bf works.. full day... when he work, im alone... i do nothing.. i either go to work or sleep at home.. watch dvds, wait for him to finish work.. And when saturdays come, i hate to go to the malls alone.. cause everyone will be couply or with someone... but im alone... The most looked forward day of the week is sunday.. when he doesnt work.. I get to spend my whole day with him.. And his mood is usually good from Saturday night till sunday... Cause he dont have to work.. so his mood is exceptionally nice... During working days, his mood are seriously like a stick got stuck up in his ass.. sour, angry or tired...
There are times, when i feel really lonely... i think to myself.. Is this worth it?? Doing all this for him.. is it worth it? All i do everyday is nothing... i wait for him to finish work n my life revolve around him... Its so much about him that it worries me.. Is this right? Is this worth it? And usually, i tell myself its worth it cause there's this something inside me tells me that i will never be able find someone like him anymore.. no doubt he's not that good looking, not tall, not rich, has this crazy temper like me once in a while... but i feel that he is the most honest man i have ever met... He gives me security... He gives me this feeling that he will never betray me.. He is loyal... He loves me so very much and its worth it for me to give all my loyalty to him...
But at the same time, i've lost so much... I lost touch with all my friends... i lost many friends... i lost my own faith... lost confidence... Its like without him, i dont know wat to do anymore... i got too dependent on him... It also scares me that im settling down so fast... There are times, i even ask myself... If this is the life i want? Is this kind of life enough for me? Dont get me wrong, i dont wanna go back partying n do more nonsense anymore.. Its just that I cannot help but wonder... Is there more out there? For example, when the weather is so freaking hot these past few days.. I was thinking.. am i meant to be here, stuck in Malaysia for the rest of my life? Where else, 5 years ago, i dreamt of new life in Australia... having 4 seasons weather for the rest of my life, making five figure income with my degree... And five years ago, never in a million years i would want to settle down like this... boring n mundane... Yes, in total honest... as much as i love my bf so much... my life is seriously boring n mundane... But what kept me going on is that... I keep on thinking to myself... My bf is worth it.. This is how normal people settle down.. Worth it to be boring... dedicate everything i do n share everything i do with my the other half.. prepare n learn how to start a family... If i still continue partying n go crazy every weekends like every other people do... No guys would ever treat me seriously... who would wan a party girl to be their wife???
There are some friends of mine, they say they pity my life... They feel that im missing so much in life... Doing nothing n wasting my life on someone controlling as him... To my friends, he is controlling...
Yes, he may be over controlling at times.. but i see it as prevention of any possible future nonsense to happen.. U know, those cheating n nonsense shit (and you guys know, how complicated can a relationship get these days)... And i personally, really feel i am not missing much in life.. I believe i have play, partied, done and tried many things that other people have not... I am satisfied with my life.. i have done n tried so many things that i dont think i am wasting my life away.. Im old, I need to retire from the partying wild life... I wan to start a family... I wan to get married n have baby... this is my new goal.. this is what i have not done... And i seriously envy people with family.. Everytime i see a family of three, a couple and one young baby looking all happily like that, i envy them.. I wan to be like them...
But when i see my other friends my age or older than me goes out partying every weekend, i dont feel a bit envy... I have done those and feeling superb boring with those adi... And when they give me the pity look, i actually kinda pity them in return... I dont know why i feel that... I know people have their own reasons why at this stage, they still party n go crazy.. but dont they think they are abit too old to compete with 16 years old girls to like 22 year olds? There are some girls... over 30.. mid 30s and still act like as if they are 21 or 24 like that.. i feel sad n pity those kind of girls... I dont wanna be those aunties trying to be young.. i wan to act my own age... And at my age, im suppose to be settling down... But i dont know why, there are times, i feel doubtful.. I feel scared at the thought of settling down... Am i not ready? Am i being kiasu? Maybe there's more to life than this? Maybe i am meant for something else? Maybe this is not me? Ok, this is me.. U see, those are the questions i ask myself when i feel doubtful.. when i start to get lonely n think nonsense again.. And when my bf is being superb nice, spends all his time with me... laugh n joke with me... Show his love n care for me (which i only get that on sundays).. gives me his full attention, i feel so happy... and i feel so sure he's the one... and i know for sure i wan him to be my husband... Sigh...I dont know... I dont know why i am feeling like this... Maybe got too much free time on my hands...
So, whats the real definition of settling down huh? Am i on the right path?
Monday, March 01, 2010
This song sincerely represents my current relationship... and i love this song so much! Definitely will be one of my wedding songs! :D
For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took the idea that I have
Of everything that I wanted to have
And made me see there was something missing (oh yeah)
For the ending of my first begin
(Ooh yeah yeah)(ooh yeah yeah)
And for the rare and unexpected friend
(Ooh yeah yeah)(ooh yeah yeah)
For the way you're something that I never choose
But at the same time something I don't wanna lose
And never wanna be without ever again (oh oh)
You're the best thing I Never Knew I Needed
So when you were here I had no idea
You're the best thing I never knew I needed
So now it's so clear I need you here always
My accidental happily (ever after oh oh oh)
The way you smile and how you comfort me (with your laughter)
I must admit you were not a part of my book
But now if you open it up and take a look
You're the beginning and the end of every chapter (oh oh)
You're the best thing I never knew I needed (oh)
So when you were here I had no idea
You're the best thing I never knew I needed (that I needed)
So now it's so clear I need you here always
Who'd knew that I'd be here (who'd knew that I'd be here oh oh)
So unexpectedly (so unexpectedly oh oh)
Undeniably happy (hey)
Said with you right here, right here next to me (oh)
Girl you're the...
You're the best thing I never knew I needed (said I needed oh oh)
So when you were here I had no idea
You're the best thing I never knew I needed (needed oh)
So now it's so clear I need you here always
Now it's so clear I need you here always